


Scars Will Heal (But Were Meant To Bleed)

by 4ce_in_sp4ce



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, He's just really not having a good time of it, I started writing this after season 2 so it's not necessarily super canon compliant, M/M, Mostly deaf Kallus, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:46:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4ce_in_sp4ce/pseuds/4ce_in_sp4ce
Summary: Kallus ends up in rebel custody, but all is not as it seems





	1. Chapter 1

Kallus sat in the bar, watching the rest of the room carefully. He’d taken a table in the corner, mostly hidden in shadows, so that he had a clear view of the entire room. The bar had probably been a decent looking place at some point, but years of serving a rather disreputable clientele had taken its toll. The other patrons seemed to be primarily smugglers and other criminals, so Kallus was doing his best to remain inconspicuous. Men like this often had notoriously loose lips and even looser moral codes if money was involved. It wouldn’t be good if he was recognized.

He’d gotten a small bowl of soup. It was entirely too salty and the undescribed “meat” was a bit unsettling, but it was cheap and warm, which was all Kallus really cared about. He tried not to think about the strange texture and color of the “meat”, and just focus on the fact that it was warm food.

It wasn’t long before Kallus noticed several men paying more attention to him than he was comfortable with. Feeling uneasy, he got up, leaving the rest of his food untouched, and slipped out of the bar as quietly as he could. The cold was bitter and the wind biting. He pulled his hood up and his scarf around his face, both to obscure his face and protect him from the wind. A man followed him out of the bar, keeping his distance but clearly following Kallus. Steady, measured walk. Clothes made to look worn and ragged, but clearly good quality. A high quality, military-grade blaster.

Imperial.

Kallus continued to walk a ways, making sure not to give away the fact that he’d noticed his tail. After a few minutes he turned into an alley, pressing up against the wall and drawing his knife as soon as he was out of view. As soon as the the man turned the corner, Kallus hooked his arm around the man’s neck and pulled him towards him, stabbing him in the stomach and pulling the knife up. He felt the man tense in surprise, then start shaking slighting from the pain and shock, dropping his blaster after a few seconds. Kallus gave the knife a final twist before pulling back, letting the man fall to the ground. He picked up the dropped blaster and went through the man’s pockets until he found a com device, then walked away, not looking back.

XXX

_Significant Imperial activity in Ison system, particularly planet Ison itself. Trade route not safe, avoid for time being. -Bahryn_

As soon as Zeb had decoded the message, he alerted Hera, who alerted rebel command, and all ships that were scheduled to use the Ison system trade route were diverted. Just in time too, as Imperial activity in the area increased noticeably less than a day later. The Ghost was now tasked with watching the system to determine when the coast was clear again.

“So who is this contact of yours?”

Zeb glanced over at Hera, who was sitting in the pilot’s seat next to him. He shrugged. “No idea. First contacted me a little over a year ago, out of the blue. Been sending me information ever since.”

“Well, whoever they are, I’m glad they contacted you. As far as I can remember, we’ve never gotten bad info from this person.” She laughed quietly. “I wish all our informants were that reliable.”

Zeb nodded. Bahryn’s messages were always short but reliable. Whoever they were, they were a good source, even if they were a little mysterious.

XXX

_Kallus had noticed his hearing was declining for some time. It wasn’t anything major or sudden, just small things. Having to ask people to repeat themselves over the com occasionally. Having to increase the volume of the intercom in his quarters slightly. Not that he was surprised of course. His job meant he was in direct contact with loud noises such as explosions on a fairly regular basis, and it wasn’t uncommon for lifelong ISB field agents to have noticeable hearing loss by the time they retired. So Kallus wasn’t worried. It wasn’t affecting his ability to do his job, and likely wouldn’t for years, if it ever did at all._

XXX

Kallus watched the man closely. _500 credits for a month’s worth of rations?_ The trader’s prices were ridiculously high and Kallus knew he was being ripped off, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He needed to get out of the system fast, and he needed supplies.

The issue was money. Kallus barely had 600 credits, and as much as he needed the food, he had other expenses to consider. He could probably get on a smuggler’s ship for a decent price in exchange for working the run, but he needed enough credits to be able to hit the ground running wherever he ended up. That meant having enough credits for shelter and transportation, and depending on where he ended up, that might not be cheap. 

Kallus gave the man 100 credits for one week’s worth of rations. If he rationed the food for minimal caloric intake per day, he could stretch a week’s worth of rations for at least two, maybe three weeks. The man looked at the credits, laughed, and shook his head. 

_150 credits._

Even with the jacked up prices, Kallus knew he was being overcharged, but gave the man the extra 50 credits anyway. He didn’t have time to argue. He’d managed to get off Ison without much issue, but he needed to get out of the entire system. The Imperial presence had already increased in the day since he’d killed the Imperial agent, and he knew it would just get worse.

He took the rations and headed off to the docking port. If he was lucky, a smuggler would be looking for someone to do manual labor during the run in exchange for a free ride.

XXX

Thrawn studied the picture in front of him. Whoever had killed the agent was skilled and efficient. The agent had been incapacitated immediately and had bled out within minutes, and the killer was clearly familiar with Imperial training and protocol. He’d not only managed to spot the agent, but had also known to look for a com device. With the proper knowledge, whoever this was could potentially access the messages sent and received by the agent. Thrawn had technicians looking through those messages now so that they could begin damage control.

Thrawn had to admire the technique of the killer. Clean and efficient, a kill this merciless had a certain beauty to it. “This was Agent Kallus all right.”

One of the generals frowned. “Are you sure, sir? Ison is known for being full of disreputable…”

“It was him. I’m certain. He’s likely left the system by now, but we’re on his trail.” Thrawn smiled slightly. “You can’t run forever, agent. I’ll catch up eventually.”

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

_“Don’t pass out on me now, agent. It’s no fun if you’re unconscious.”_

_Kallus sat there, cuffed to the chair, fighting to stay conscious. Everything hurt, and breathing sent pain shooting through his side. At least three of his ribs were broken, and he was pretty sure his left shoulder was dislocated. Blood was dripping onto his chest from his face, mixing with sweat._

_“Just tell me what I want to know, and all of this will end.”_

_Kallus managed to muster a weak laugh. “You mean you’ll execute me.” He winced, the laughter, weak as it was, making his ribs hurt even more. “We both know the law, Admiral. The punishment for treason is death. You’ll have me executed as soon as you get what you want.”_

_“Then why hold off the inevitable?” Thrawn leaned in close. “Just tell me what I want to know. Tell me how to find the rebels. If you do that, I can make this all stop. Why put yourself through so much unnecessary pain?” When Kallus didn’t say anything, Thrawn sighed and leaned back. “Have it your way, then, agent.”_

_Kallus felt his jaw dislocate with the next blow. He cried out, but it turned into a gasping cough as Thrawn hit him in the stomach. He was coughing up blood and kept aspirating on it as he gasped for air. Pure terror coursed through him as he struggled to breathe._

_Thrawn sighed again. “Remember, I gave you a chance, Agent Kallus. All of this is your own doing.”_

XXX

Kallus sat up, breathing hard. His heart was pounding. He stumbled out of bed and over to the sink, gripping the edge with white knuckles and splashing cold water on his face. _Snap out of it. It was just a dream. You’re fine._ It took several minutes, but his heart finally began to calm down, and he relaxed his grip on the sink slightly. _You’re okay. Just a dream, nothing more._

He closed his eyes, head dropping, trying to get his breathing back under control. _In...out. In...out. That’s it, you’re fine. You’re fine._ He opened his eyes and glanced up, catching his reflection in the mirror. It didn’t even look like him. His face was too thin, beard too full, hair too long. There was too much fear, too much wariness, in his eyes. He barely recognized himself. He knew the scars running across his chest and torso better than he knew his own face anymore.

Kallus sighed and walked back over to the bed. It wasn’t worth trying to go back to sleep. Dawn was nearing and he needed to leave the inn as early as possible. With the Empire so close behind him, he didn’t want to spend more than one night in any one place, and wanted to change planets as much as possible. He needed to leave as little of a trail as possible, and that was easiest if he didn’t stay in one place any longer than he had to.

XXX

Zeb wished he could get in contact with Bahryn, but the messages were always scrambled to the point that they couldn’t be traced, which Zeb was sure was on purpose. He’d tried to trace them several times since he first started receiving information from Bahryn, but had never been successful. He was curious though. He’d gotten the first message over a year ago out of nowhere, no introduction, no information on who the sender was, just the location of an Imperial munitions deposit. The tips continued irregularly after that, the time between them ranging from days to months, each of them simply signed “Bahryn”. 

Whoever they were, they must’ve known Zeb. He was the only one Bahryn seemed to send information to, even though it’d probably be easier just to send it to rebel command directly. It was strange to think about. Whoever Bahryn was, they knew who Zeb was. They knew how to contact him, and apparently knew and trusted him enough to send information solely to him. Yet Zeb knew nothing about them. Were they Imperial? Were they a man? Woman? Something else? He had no idea. All he knew was that they were reliable and clearly didn’t want to be found, by the Empire or the rebels.

XXX

_Shit._

Kallus walked quickly through the streets, trying to stem the bleeding from his arm. He needed to get out of here. Now. 

He’d slipped up, and hadn’t noticed the agent following him until it was almost too late. He’d managed to dodge the first blaster shot, but the second hit his arm, and the agent managed to contact someone before Kallus was able to reach him. It’d been a messy kill and Kallus was covered in blood, some of it his, most of it not. He needed to get somewhere safe, stop the bleeding from his arm, and get off planet as soon as possible. The agent had most likely been able to signal his location before Kallus killed him, which meant reinforcements would be on their way, and Kallus didn’t want to be around when they showed up. 

He should’ve known to be more careful, should’ve waited longer before coming. He was trying to confirm the presence of an Imperial weapons store, of course there would be soldiers and agents everywhere in the area. Kallus glanced behind him and saw troopers heading into the alley where the agent was before ducking into a small side street.

_They found the body. Shit._

Kallus looked down and realized he was starting to trail blood. This is bad, I’m loosing too much. He wrapped a scarf around the wound, but he was bleeding badly. By the time he got to the building where he was staying the scarf was soaked through. He tied it around his upper arm to make a makeshift tourniquet. The wound needed to be sanitized, but he didn’t have the time or the supplies. He wrapped the wound in gauze, maintaining as much pressure as he could before gathering his things. It wasn’t perfect, but it should hold for the time being. 

Taking the main roads was too much of a risk, there would be too many soldiers, so Kallus stuck to alleys, working his way towards the shipping bays. People around him were moving quickly, panicking. _Something else has happened, something’s going on._ He paused at an intersection, glancing down one of the side streets towards the main road in time to see a stormtrooper taken out by a blaster shot. Kallus frowned. _A firefight? Who are they fighting?_ This wasn’t good. There were too many unknowns in this situation, he needed to get out of here. 

Kallus turned the corner into the docking area, only to find a blaster in his face. He ducked, grabbing the arm of the person holding the blaster and elbowing them in the stomach, and took the blaster. He had the person on the ground, ready to shoot, when he stopped. 

On the ground in front of him was a Mandalorian girl with brightly colored hair. 

_What…?_

Sabine took advantage of Kallus’ surprise to disarm and pin him, pointing the blaster back at his head. He held his hands up in surrender. Sabine frowned and stood up, blaster still pointed at him. Zeb came running up behind her. Kallus watched them, trying to figure out what they were saying, but they weren’t facing him. Next thing he knew, he was being pulled up and shoved towards the Ghost, blaster pressing into his back.

They stumbled into the loading bay of the Ghost under fire, Ezra and Kanan close behind them, lightsabers drawn and fending off blaster shots. The door closed and Kallus could feel the ship take off. This wasn’t good. Kallus knew the dangers of being taken to the rebels. Not only would there be the obvious, and understandable, assumption that he was still an ISB agent, but it was obvious Kallus was still being tracked down by the Empire, and he didn’t want to accidentally lead them to the rebel base. Given the circumstances, though, it didn’t look like he had much of a choice.


	3. Chapter 3

“Is everyone alright?” Hera hated rough take offs. The sudden lift off and jump into hyperspace made it easy for a crew member to get hurt, and given the luck of most of the Phoenix Squadron, she was sure someone was going to get seriously hurt on a take off like that one of these days. She entered the cargo bay, happy to see everyone there and surprisingly uninjured. 

“Yeah, we’re fine. We got a guest though.” Zeb motioned to an unfamiliar man on the ground.

Hera frowned. “Who the hell is that?”

Sabine kept her blaster leveled at the man. He was against the wall, watching her carefully. “He attacked me back on the planet. I think he might be an undercover Imperial agent.”

“Sabine had him pinned when I ran over, and there wasn’t exactly a lot of time to discuss it. Figured better safe than sorry, at least until we know who he is.” Zeb tossed Ezra a pair of cuffs. “Put these on him.”

“I think he’s maybe wounded.” Sabine pointed at his arm. “His arm’s all bloody.”

Hera sighed. “Okay, cuff him, I’ll get the med kit.” 

When she returned, the man was sitting against the wall, cuffed, blaster still pointed at his head. He watched Hera closely as she crouched down next to him. “Let me see your arm.” He held it out to her slowly, clearly wary. Hera pushed back his sleeve and undid the bandage already there. It looked like a blaster wound, but it was bleeding quite a bit. She poured peroxide on the wound and quickly rewrapped it in clean gauze, ignoring the wince of pain from the man. Satisfied, she sat back and pulled down a scarf that was partially obscuring the man’s face. “So, who are you?” He simply continued to watch her silently. Hera narrowed her eyes. He looked familiar, but she couldn’t figure out from where.

After a moment of silence, Zeb spoke. “Karablast, Hera.”

“What?”

“I...I think that’s maybe Kallus.”

Hera frowned. It took her a minute to see it, but once she did, she knew Zeb was right. “Fucking hell…” She stood up slowly. “Agent fucking Kallus.” Kallus’ expression didn’t change, but he seemed to tense up. “Zeb, take him to one of the storage closets and put him in there. I want someone watching the door at all times. I’m going to get in touch with the base and inform command of our...guest.”

XXX

Kallus stared across the storage closet at the wall. He needed to think, figure out what he was going to do. Being a prisoner of the rebels was obviously preferable to being a prisoner of the Empire, but that didn’t mean the situation was good. He’d been avoiding direct contact with the rebels for a reason. He knew they would never trust him if they knew who he was, and his presence on the base would put the rebels in danger. If the Imperial agents trying to kill him were any indication, he was still very much a wanted man by the Empire.

At least he’d been captured by the crew of the Ghost. If there was anyone who could avoid being tracked by the Empire, it was them. It was almost funny, really. Over two years ago, on one of Geonosis’ moons, Zeb had offered to take Kallus onto the Ghost; he’d refused, saying he’d rather take his chances with the Empire. Now here he was. So much had changed in the last two years, and yet, so much still seemed the same.

He sighed. He was sleep deprived and had lost too much blood. Before he could do anything else, he needed to rest. The subtle rocking of the ship was surprisingly calming, and Kallus could already feel himself getting drowsy. He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. At least he didn’t have to worry about being attacked while he slept. 

XXX

_Kallus tried to focus on Thrawn, but the room kept tilting and moving, and everything seemed muffled and indistinct. He couldn’t seem to keep his balance, even on his knees; two guards were keeping him upright._

_Thrawn smiled and said something, but Kallus could quite make out what it was. The right side of his head was burning with pain and he could feel blood running down the side of his face and neck. He was sure he had a concussion, but something else was wrong too, he just couldn’t figure out what._

_It wasn’t until he had been brought back to his cell and the pain had subsided slightly that he realized he couldn’t hear anything out of his right ear._

XXX

Zeb wanted to go into the storage closet, but he knew that was a bad idea. Injured or not, Kallus was an imposing opponent, and they had no idea what his motivations or orders were. For all they knew, he could try and kill all of them given the slightest chance.

It was odd, though, that Kallus had surrendered to Sabine. That was a strange thing for an ISB agent, particularly Kallus, to do. And he hadn’t killed her when he had the chance either. Sabine said he’d hesitated after disarming and pinning her to the ground, which was the only reason she was able to get the blaster back. 

It’d also been a while since they’d run into Kallus. A couple of years, actually, now that Zeb thought about it. They’d encountered him maybe once or twice after the Geonosis incident, but that was it. After that, Kallus had seemed to just...disappear. It was strange that he was back again, seemingly out of nowhere.

Zeb looked back at the door. He still thought about Geonosis sometimes. About having to work with Kallus to survive, and how different Kallus had seemed. How human. He wondered if Kallus ever thought about it too.

He shook his head. _An imperial is still an imperial, especially an ISB agent._ Whatever Kallus was up to, Zeb doubted it was good.

XXX

Hera watched Kallus carefully from across the table. Rebel command had asked her to question him, see if she could get any information about why he was here and what his intentions were. Hera doubted she would get anything from him, but it was worth a try.

“Why are you here? What are you planning?” Kallus’ face was impassive. His expression didn’t change at all, and Hera narrowed her eyes. Since he’d been brought on board, Kallus hadn’t said a single word, even when asked a direct question. Hera had expected at least one or two sarcastic comments; he’d never had a shortage of those when they’d run into him before. And yet, nothing. Complete silence. He just sat there, watching her, expression unreadable. “Kallus, I know you know it’ll be better for you if you talk now, before we reach the base. Once we arrive, you’re chances of escaping are almost nothing. You’ll be a rebel prisoner. You know how these things work. It’ll be better for you if you’ve been cooperative.” Kallus nodded, the first indication he’d heard anything Hera had said, but continued to say nothing. She sighed and stood up. “It’s your choice, I suppose. We’ll be arriving in a few hours.”

XXX

Kallus hated having his back to the door. It made him feel vulnerable. He didn’t know what or who was behind him, and he could easily be caught off guard. It was even worse since he didn’t have any weapons on him, and he was cuffed, which made him almost completely defenseless. 

Sato sat down across from Kallus. Agent Kallus. _I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you sitting across from me. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. I’m not complaining though. With all the trouble you’ve caused us, I’m quite happy to finally have you in custody._ They stared at each other for a moment, neither saying anything. Finally Sato stood up and walked calmly across the room, crossing behind Kallus. _...want to know why._ He looked back at Kallus expectantly. 

Kallus kept his expression unreadable, but he knew he was on thin ice. He knew Sato expected an answer, but Kallus only knew the last part of the question, which wasn’t particularly helpful. Even if he knew the entire thing, he wasn’t sure how well he could answer. It had been a while since he’d spoken at any length, and he was sure his voice was in rather rough condition. But he also knew that his arrest by the rebels had put him in a precarious position, and not answering would be seen as uncooperative.

_Well, Agent?_

Kallus continued to watch Sato silently, unsure of how to proceed. This wasn’t good. He wasn’t prepared for this. 

Sato shook his head. _Stay silent if you want, Agent. I’ll get the answers I want eventually._ He motioned to someone behind Kallus, and he was pulled out of his chair and lead out of the room by two guards.

XXX

_The pain didn’t go away, and Kallus’ hearing didn’t come back. By this point Kallus figured the blow to the head had damaged his auditory nerve. There might’ve been the possibility of reversing some of the damage when it first happened, but by this point, the damage was almost definitely permanent. If anything it might get worse._

_He could still hear out of his left ear, but it wasn’t great. In his current situation and condition, Kallus knew there was a very good chance of losing his hearing all together. Of course, that was assuming he lived at all._

XXX

Kallus sat on the small cot in his cell, trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation. He hadn’t had to deal with a situation like this since he’d escaped,. He’d always been able to get by with minimal verbal interaction with other people, and what interactions he did have were usually straightforward. Buying supplies. Finding lodging. He could rely on lip reading for all of these things.

This was different though. He’d had at least some control over his environment in those situations. He had no control here.

It wasn’t that Kallus couldn’t hear. He could, but very little. He could hear loud noises in his left ear to an extent, but it was indistinct and he couldn’t hear specifics or details. Hearing someone talking was out of the question. He was completely deaf in his right ear.

He sighed. He’d managed to avoid having to tell anyone about his hearing so far since all of his interactions had been short and straightforward, and he wanted to keep it that way, but he wasn’t sure he could. Revealing it made him vulnerable though. He didn’t have a good enough reading of where he stood at the moment to feel comfortable revealing something that could easily be used against him to the rebels. But not doing so might just make his situation worse, since Sato would probably assume he simply wasn’t cooperating. 

Kallus supposed he could tell Zeb. Out of all the rebels, Zeb was the only one he really trusted to any extent. But even that had its dangers. He doubted Zeb trusted him at all, not that he blamed him, and it was likely that telling Zeb would have the same result as telling Sato directly.

He leaned his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling of his cell. This was the exact situation he’d been trying to avoid. He needed to proceed carefully and think each step through, and even then he knew the chances of this ending well for him weren’t very good.


	4. Chapter 4

_Kallus couldn’t move. Any attempt to do so was met with excruciating pain. He thought he might black out, but he knew that even if he did Thrawn would just revive him and the torture would continue._

_“Get him up.” Two guards pulled Kallus up to his knees. He couldn’t even find the strength to lift his head. He could hear Thrawn laughing. “Are you ready to give up, agent? Are you ready to tell me what I want to know? That’s all you need to do. Once you do that, all of this will stop.” Thrawn walked over and tilted Kallus’ head up with a gloved hand. “The pain must be almost unbearable. How much longer can you last, hm? How much longer until I break you?”_

_The kick to the stomach caught Kallus off guard. He coughed, his already broken ribs screaming in pain. The only thing keeping him from collapsing were the guards gripping his arms and holding him up. He knew Thrawn was right. He couldn’t last much longer. Eventually he would break. Physically, mentally, it didn’t matter; he was nearly at his limit._

XXX

Kallus sat up, heart pounding and breath coming in gasps. The cell was dark and unfamiliar, and for a minute he couldn’t remember where he was. You’re not there. You can’t be there. You know you can’t. The rebel base. He was at the rebel base. He wasn’t back there, back in the other cell. It was okay.

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. His clothes were damp with sweat and he could feel his heart beating violently in his chest. You’re okay. It was just a nightmare. Calm down. Kallus’ entire body was tense, ready to fight. You’re not in any danger. It’s just a dream. He took a deep breath and held it, letting it out slowly after several seconds. After doing this several times his heart rate started to slow and breathing felt easier.

Kallus could feel his hands shaking, and clenched them into fists, trying to get them to stop. Get a hold of yourself. You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong. He sighed. It’d been easier to deal with nightmares when he was on the run. He could get up, do something, distract himself. Here though, he was stuck in a small cell with nothing but his thoughts. All he could do was sit there and wait for the fear and panic to pass. 

XXX

Sato watched Agent Kallus from across the table. The agent was watching him back, closely and carefully. He was clearly paying attention, yet he had said nothing so far, refusing to answer any of Sato’s questions. “We will figure out why you’re here and what you want, agent. You can’t hide your purpose from us forever.” He sighed and stood up, heading towards the door.

“There was an Imperial munitions store on Sissubo. The Empire’s likely moved it because of the recent...rebel activity on the planet, but if my information was correct, it was a relatively sizable store, so it’s most likely still on Sissubo, just in a different location. It’ll be heavily guarded, but they won’t expect another attack so soon.”

Sato stopped and turned around, surprised. “I’m sorry?” Agent Kallus didn’t say anything. Sato walked back around the table so that they were facing each other again. “Why should I believe you?”

“You don’t need to. Passive surveillance should be able to corroborate what I’m telling you.” Kallus’ voice was quiet and almost hoarse. “If it does, you know where the weapons are. If it doesn’t, you know I lied to you. Either way, you gain important information.”

Sato watched him silently for a minute. “We’ll see about that.”

XXX

“We can’t see what’s inside, but there’s definitely something here.”

Zeb nodded. “What’s the security like?”

The comm was silent for a minute before Sabine came back on, voice quiet. “Pretty heavy. Whatever’s in there, they don’t want anyone getting to it. If we surprised them enough, though, we could probably get in.”

“What’s the surrounding area like?” Hera glanced over the readings on the Ghost’s bridge. “I need to know if I can get the Ghost in there without raising suspicion, or if I’d need to make a sudden entrance for a pick up.”

“There aren’t any docking areas around here, so we’d probably have to come in on foot and then have you come in for a pick up.”

Hera nodded. “Okay. Ezra, Sabine, get back to the ship, you don’t want to raise any suspicion.”

“On our way.”

Hera leaned back in her chair and looked over at Zeb. “Well, this was a lucky find. If it is a weapons depository, it’ll be even better.” 

Zeb frowned slightly. “I wonder where the tip came from? Sato was really vague.”

Hera shrugged. “No idea. But it looks like it’s probably going to pay off.”

XXX

It was a close call, but the Ghost got out just in time. It turns out it had been a weapons deposit, and a relatively big one at that. They’d made a good haul and, miraculously, had made it back to the base without any major damages.

Sato raised an eyebrow. “So, Agent Kallus was telling the truth.”

Zeb stared. “Wait, _Kallus_ gave you this tip?” Sato nodded. 

“And you still sent us out?” Hera sounded was incredulous. “It could’ve been a trap! We should’ve at least been told where the tip came from before we went.”

“I needed an unbiased assessment, which wouldn’t of been possible had you know the source of the tip. And I knew that if it was a trap, no one would be better prepared to get out of it that you and your crew.” He looked over at Hera and nodded. “Your point is taken, though, Captain Syndulla.”

Zeb couldn’t believe it. He’d known the information likely hadn’t come from a well known source, hence Sato’s vagueness about its origins, but he never would’ve guessed that the source had been Kallus of all people.

The evening went on, there were always things that needed to be done, but Zeb kept thinking about it. Why would Kallus reveal the location of the weapons store? The amount, and quality, of weapons they’d made off with was too great for it to have been a trick to gain their trust. And if it had been a trick, the stormtroopers at the depository were clearly unaware. They’d come damn close to taking the Ghost down at one point.

So was the tip genuine? Zeb shook his head. It couldn’t be. That wouldn’t make any sense either. Kallus was an ISB agent. He’d never betray the Empire. But Zeb couldn’t think of any other alternatives.

XXX

_Kallus sat limply against the cell wall, staring blankly at nothing. He knew he couldn’t last much longer. Thrawn would break him soon, and he would either tell him where the rebels were, or he would die. He figured he had another week or so, two at the most, before his body gave out. Even with all his training as an agent, his body could only handle so much._

_There were a lot of things in his life he regretted, but betraying the Empire wasn’t one of them. In fact he supposed dying like this, a traitor and a spy, was probably the most honorable thing he’d ever done, and Kallus supposed it was fitting; he’d started life cold and alone, it was natural he’d end it the same way._

_He wished he could’ve seen Zeb one more time though. He wished he could’ve told him how much he’d changed Kallus’ life, how the simple act of him not killing Kallus on Geonosis’ moon had had so many far reaching effects. Sure, he was technically the reason Kallus was close to death after being tortured for several months, but he was surprisingly okay with that. He was dying a better man than he’d ever been in life, even if it was a painful death, and he knew he had Zeb to thank for that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the comments and kind words!!!! I'm glad you guys like the story!!


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you think it’s possible that Kallus isn’t working for the Empire?”

Hera looked over, skeptical. “I think we both know the answer to that. He’s ISB, Zeb. People don’t change that much.”

Zeb shrugged. “I know, but...I just find it odd that he’d give us a tip with such a big payoff, like Sissubo, if he was still working for the Bureau.”

Hera sighed. “Zeb, we both know what kind of man Kallus is. He’s shrewd and intelligent and ruthless. The Empire is his life; he’d never betray it. The most likely explanation is that he’s trying to work a long con to get us to reveal information that he can pass along.”

“I know, I know, you’re right. He’s our enemy.” Zeb went back to cleaning his bo rifle and Hera turned back to her engine schematics. He couldn’t stop thinking about it though. The situation felt...odd. Not right. Something was off, and for the life of him, Zeb couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but he knew it was there. 

XXX

Kallus knew couldn’t hide his hearing loss much longer. After he gave Sato the tip about Sissubo, the commander had brought him in for questioning more often. He clearly believed that Kallus was up to something, that the Sissubo tip had been part of some sort of plan. Part of Kallus was proud that the rebel command respected his strategic abilities enough to assume that he was up to something complicated. 

The issue, though, was that he wasn’t, and he was too in the dark about what was happening to communicate this. When questioning him, Sato would walk around the room, wandering in and out of Kallus’ field of vision, so Kallus only got bits and pieces of what Sato was saying, never enough to be able to properly respond. He knew Sato was suspicious of him, but he didn’t have any of the specifics, and he also knew his silence was not helping him. 

Not being able to hear was quickly going from a disadvantage to a danger in this situation, and Kallus needed to do something. If his actions were already being viewed as part of some big plan however, his hearing loss would be viewed much the same way. He was quickly being pushed into a no-win situation of which he was only partially aware. 

XXX

Zeb almost couldn’t believe it. There must’ve been some sort of mistake, a miscommunication about what had been found, or whose belongings it’d been found in. Something. There was no way what he’d heard was actually correct

_“Apparently they found some sort of glowing rock or something in his bag. I bet it’s some sort of new com device the Empire’s using.”_

Zeb walked slowly down to the prison area, trying to think of other explanations. The Empire was always developing new technology, so it was more than possible that it really was some sort of new com device. That’s probably what it was.

He knew he was wrong as soon as he saw it. Small, only about the size of a fist, the meteorite glowed a soft yellow and emitted a faint warmth. Zeb recognized it immediately. It was what had helped keep him and Kallus from freezing to death on Geonosis’ moon. 

And it was in Kallus’ bag.

“Hey Garazeb, did you need something?”

Zeb looked up at the guard, startled. “Uh, no, I…I, um, came down for something, but can’t for the life of me remember what it was.” He smiled and turned to leave, but paused by the door. “You found that thing in Kallus’ bag?” He motioned towards the meteorite.

The guard nodded. “Yeah, Sato’s going to question him about it today, I think. I’m guessing it’s probably some sort of new tracking device or something.”

“Yeah, probably.” Zeb walked off, slowly making his way back towards the Ghost. Zeb had left that rock on the surface of Geonosis’ moon, left it with Kallus, and he’d assumed Kallus had done the same when he was picked up by the Empire. Why hadn’t he? Why did he still have it? 

The thought wouldn’t leave him for the rest of the day. Zeb knew that, despite Sato’s suspicions, the meteorite had no ulterior purpose. It wasn’t a com device, it wasn’t a tracking device, it was just a glowing rock that emitted a bit of heat. There was no reason why he should still have it. It seemed almost...sentimental. 

But that couldn’t be it. The Kallus he knew and had run into before was cold and ruthless. There was no room for sentimentality in an ISB agent.

XXX

_It was the wind, really. The cold itself wasn’t that bad, Kallus had dealt with worse, but the wind was bitter and biting. He huddled behind the alley trash bin, trying his best to avoid the wind, but nothing he did seemed to help._

_He pulled his jacket around himself a little tighter. His hood was pulled down low, trying to protect his face, but he could still see the snow swirling around him, blowing in front of him and sticking to his eyelashes and beard. He’d stopped shaking a while ago, and could barely feel his limbs. Inside his jacket, though, he could feel the faint warmth of the meteorite, nestled against his chest. It wasn’t much, but he supposed it had kept him alive on Geonosis, and it was his best hope now. He just had to hold out a bit longer. If he could hold out until sunrise, he could maybe find somewhere that would give him a room in exchange for work. He hadn’t escaped just to freeze to death in a snow storm. He was almost there; just a bit longer._

XXX

Kallus stared at the small meteorite in front of him. He’d known Sato, or at least somebody, would find it sooner or later. They obviously would’ve searched his belongings, and a glowing rock was bound to stand out. But that didn’t mean he was any more okay with someone else handling it. 

_What is this, Agent Kallus? A communication device? A tracking beacon? Tell me._

“It’s a meteorite.”

_And why was it in your belongings? What is it for?_

“It’s a...bit of a good luck charm, I suppose. A token.” He watched Sato carefully. He knew it was irrational, but he felt uncomfortable seeing the other man hold it. It was his; after everything that had happened, it was one of the few things he had left.

Sato laughed. _A good luck charm? Do you think I’m stupid, agent? What is it?_

“It’s…” Kallus paused. What could he say? He couldn’t just tell Sato the truth, he’d never believe that, and it could potentially get Zeb in trouble. He had no idea how much Zeb had told his superiors about what had happened on Geonosis; Kallus had never told anyone even close to the truth. “It was from a friend.”

Sato walked behind the table. Kallus sat there, knowing that Sato was likely continuing to ask him questions and would be expecting answers, but without being able to see him, there was nothing Kallus could do. 

Sato slammed the table beside Kallus, the sudden movement startling him. He tensed up, immediately ready to defend himself, turning to the side and bringing his arms up, ready to both attack and protect himself. Sato stepped back, surprised, and Kallus froze as he felt a blaster pressed against his back. 

A guard. There had been a guard in the room when he’d been brought in. _Calm down, you’re going to get yourself shot. You’re not in any danger._ He needed to stay calm, or at least appear calm. His breathing was shallow though, and his heart wouldn’t stop racing.

_Nice try, agent, but not quick enough._ Sato looked slightly shaken. He motioned to the guard, who pulled Kallus out of the chair and pushed him towards the door. _I won’t forget this, Agent Kallus._

Kallus leaned against the wall and slid to the floor as soon as the cell door closed behind him. He still wasn’t breathing normally, and his hands were shaking slightly. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands, trying to control his breathing. He’d had episodes like this before, the overwhelming feelings of panic and fear, usually when he woke up from nightmares. You’re fine. Calm down, just breathe. He knew he’d be fine, but that didn’t make it any easier. He hated feeling this out of control.

He could feel the sob building up in his chest, and bit his lip, trying to hold it down. _Stop it. You’re fine. You’re okay, just fucking calm down._ Kallus drew his knees up, his breathing shaky and mixed with quiet sobs. He knew he wasn’t okay. After everything that had happened, there was no way he could be. 

XXX

“So apparently Kallus tried to attack Sato today.”

Zeb looked over at Hera, surprised. “Really?”

Hera nodded. “Yeah, I heard a couple of the guards talking about it. I guess Sato was questioning him about something they found in his bag, and he just attacked out of nowhere. I knew he was up to something.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Zeb frowned. After he’d found out that Kallus still had the meteorite from Geonosis, he’d started rethinking some of Kallus’ actions. They didn’t make sense for an ISB agent. But this didn’t make sense either. Why would he attack Sato? Especially if there’d been a guard in the room? It was sloppy move for an agent, particularly one as experienced as Kallus. But if Kallus wasn’t working as an agent, why would he attack Sato in the first place? And why would he be refusing to answer most questions? None of it made sense. 

Zeb sighed. The best way to figure out what was going on was to talk to Kallus himself, but he’d been avoiding doing that. The last time he’d really seen Kallus was Geonosis, and he still didn’t know what to think of what had happened, how different Kallus had seemed. How human. He knew he was going to have to talk to him at some point, though, if he wanted to figure out whatever was going on.

XXX

Kallus stared at the ceiling somewhere above him in the darkness. He’d barely been able to sleep, not that he was surprised. He’d managed to calm down, but was still on edge from the incident with Sato earlier, and had kept waking up from nightmares until he finally decided it wasn’t worth trying to go back to sleep.

As much as he hated to do it, Kallus knew he needed to tell someone about his hearing loss. He’d panicked earlier because he’d been startled, and he’d only been startled because he couldn’t hear. It was just going to happen again if he didn’t do something. It was hard, though. It had been almost two years, and he hadn’t told anyone. It made him vulnerable, and he hated admitting that. He hated the idea of other people looking at him and knowing he was weak. 

He knew he didn’t have a choice though. Another incident like what had happened earlier, and the rebels would probably kill him. He had to tell them, and, more than that, he had to make them believe him.

XXX

_Kallus rarely interacted with the other crew members on the ship unless he had to. They were all smugglers and other criminals, and money talked for men like this, so the less they knew about him, the better. He was getting better at lip reading and could respond to questions if he needed to, but nothing beyond what was necessary. The other crew members seemed fine with this; they had no complaints as long as he did the work he’d been hired to do._

_It was actually rather amusing. The crew clearly disliked working in the cargo holds because of the noise from the engines, but it didn’t bother Kallus in the least. The vibrations were a little disorienting at first, but once he got used to them he was fine. In fact, it usually meant he was alone, and if other people were around it was apparently too loud to talk._

_It’d been hard on his body at first. He’d dropped close to half his weight and had been injured and mostly starved, so physical labour hadn’t been easy. The conditions weren’t great either, but his body had started to recover after a couple of months, and things had gotten easier. It was still hard, but doable. He needed his strength back, too. He knew the Empire was trying to track him, and that meant he was going to run into agents and needed to be able to protect himself._

_It was weird to think about. How many of those agents would recognize him? How many would’ve worked with him before as a colleague? Would they know who he was when they saw him? Kallus doubted it, honestly. He barely recognized himself in the mirror anymore._

XXX

Zeb stood outside the cell for several minutes before finally going in. The room was dark, lit by a single light, and sparse. Kallus was sitting on a cot in the corner, leaning against the wall. He watched Zeb as he entered and closed the door behind him.

Several moments went by in silence before Zeb cleared his throat. “It’s...been a while. Well, I mean, I guess it’s really only been a week or two, since we arrested you, but this is the first time we’ve really encountered one another in, well, in a couple of years probably.” He paused. “Since Geonosis.”

Kallus nodded but didn’t say anything. Zeb shifted uncomfortably. He realized he had no idea what to say. Hey Kallus, I’m trying to decide whether you actually surrendered or if you’re just waiting for the right moment to kill all of us, can you help me out a bit? That didn’t seem like the best route to go. “Sato thinks you’re still working for the Empire. A lot of people do, actually.” Kallus watched him, but still didn’t say anything. “I’m...not so sure. Where have you been the past couple of years? Why did you surrender to Sabine?” He paused again, half waiting for an answer, half knowing he probably wasn’t going to get one. He looked down. “None of what’s happened makes sense. If you’re still an ISB agent, why did you give us the Sissubo tip? Why did you surrender instead of shooting Sabine? If you aren’t still an ISB agent, why did you attack Sato? What’s going on? And why do you still have the meteorite from Geonosis? Why did you keep it?” He looked back up to find Kallus still watching him, his face guarded and unreadable. Zeb waited silently for some sort of response, but none came. He sighed and shook his head. “Why am I even bothering with this? You’re ISB. Our enemy. Why would I ever think otherwise?” He turned to go.

“I...I can’t hear.”

Zeb stopped and turned back around, frowning. “What?”

Kallus was looking at the ground, eyes shifting up to Zeb’s face periodically, but avoiding eye contact. “I can’t hear, Zeb.”

“So what, you’re deaf?”

“No, not completely, I can still hear a little out of my left ear, but not much. I can’t hear anything from my right ear.”

“Right…” Zeb crossed his arms, not really believing what Kallus was saying. “You seem to be able to respond just fine. And your hearing was just fine the last time we met. What’s changed since then?”

“I…experienced some head trauma since the last time we met. I think it damaged my auditory nerve.” Kallus’ expression was wary. “I can read lips, at least to some extent, which is how I’ve been able to understand what’s been said to me.”

Zeb raised an eyebrow. “Lip reading? Really?”

“All ISB agents are trained in it, at least somewhat. It can be helpful when it comes to surveillance.” He looked away for a moment before looking back at Zeb. “I’m not an agent anymore, Zeb. I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you, but I promise you, I mean the rebellion no harm.”

“Why did you attack Sato then?”

“I didn’t mean to, I just…” Kallus paused. His voice was quiet. “He came from behind me and caught me off guard. I reacted instinctively. I meant him no harm.”

Zeb watched Kallus, unsure what to think. Kallus was still leaning against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest. He seemed almost uncomfortable. “Why should I believe you?”

Kallus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. You probably shouldn’t, honestly. You have no reason to, and I probably wouldn’t trust me if I were in your place. After everything I’ve done, I know there’s probably no way I could ever convince you that I’m on your side.” He laughed humorously. “But let’s just say my relationship with the Empire...isn’t on very good terms at the moment. It’s a long story, but I’ve managed to land myself pretty high up on the Imperial shit list.”

Zeb frowned. “What happened?”

“I…” Kallus paused. “It’s a long story. I’d...rather not get into it right now.” He sighed at looked back up at Zeb. “I know this doesn’t change things. I’m still former ISB and you have every reason not to trust anything I say. But I will tell you what little information I have, whatever might help. I will answer every question, I just…” he gave another humourless laugh. “I need to be able to see your face when you ask me. Otherwise I’m a bit useless.”

Zeb stared at Kallus, almost unable to believe what he was hearing. “I...I’ll pass this on to Commander Sato.”

Kallus nodded. “You should go. I’m sure you have lots to do.”

XXX


	6. Chapter 6

Sato scoffed. “Deaf? Really, Garazeb, you believe that?”

Zeb shrugged. “I’m just telling you what he told me. He seemed genuine though.”

“He’s planning something.” Sato shook his head. “The Empire would’ve noticed if he was deaf. He wouldn’t still be in the field.”

“He said he wasn’t working as an agent anymore, though. That he wasn’t working for the Empire…” Zeb stopped. It was pointless. Sato didn’t believe what Kallus had told him. Hell, Zeb wasn’t sure if he believed what Kallus had told him. It was a lot to take in, and Zeb knew that Sato was probably right, Kallus was probably lying, but still. Zeb couldn’t bring himself to completely dismiss it. 

Hera came up to Zeb after the meeting, skeptical. “Do you really believe Kallus? It seems pretty farfetched.”

“I don’t know. It’s just, so much of what’s happened doesn’t add up or make sense. I just don’t think we should dismiss this so easily.” 

Hera raised an eyebrow. “He could be lying.”

“At least then we’d know that for sure.”

“Then take him to the infirmary.”

Zeb frowned. “What?”

“Take him to the infirmary.” Hera shrugged. “If you really think there’s a chance that Kallus is telling the truth, have him checked out. Then you’re right; we’d know for sure.”

XXX

Kallus sat on the cot, staring at the wall across from him. As far as he could tell, it’d been a couple of days since he’d talked to Zeb, but he was still anxious. This was the first time he’d told anyone about his hearing, and it was important that they believe him. Another incident like what happened with Sato, and he’d be in hot water. 

He knew it was out of his hands, but that didn’t make him feel any better. If anything, it just made him more anxious. He didn’t like when things were out of his control, when he was at the mercy of someone else. It was dangerous. But being a prisoner meant he had no control; he didn’t really have a choice.

The cell got brighter, and Kallus looked over to find the door open with Hera standing in it, Zeb behind her. She had a blaster, which was loosely pointed at him.

_Get up._

Kallus frowned, but obliged, standing up slowly. He stayed where he was though, not approaching the door. It was odd that it was just Hera and Zeb without any guards, or at least any that he could see, and he didn’t want to risk looking like he was trying to attack them. For all he knew, this could be some sort of trap. 

Hera pulled out a pair of cuffs and motioned towards him. _Come on._ Kallus walked over hesitantly, still unsure what was going on, and Hera cuffed him. _We’re going to the infirmary._

Kallus pulled back slightly, confused, and Hera pointed the blaster back at him. “What? Why?”

_We want to know whether you’re lying about your hearing. Now come on. And don’t try anything stupid._

Kallus glanced at Zeb and started walking, Hera’s blaster pressing into his back, trying to keep his expression as unreadable as possible. On the one hand, this was good. It meant that Zeb at least somewhat believed Kallus, and unless some sort of miracle happened on the way to the infirmary, a doctor would quickly be able to confirm his hearing loss. On the other hand, though, the doctor might insist on a full exam, which was something Kallus wanted to avoid at the moment. A full exam meant having to explain the scars on his body, and that was a lot more indepth than Kallus wanted to get at the moment. Admitting his hearing loss had been hard enough, he didn’t want to push it. 

The infirmary was bright and Kallus felt uncomfortable as he stood next to an examination table, waiting. Hera and Zeb were talking with a doctor, but their backs were to him so he couldn’t tell what was being said. He glanced around, discomfort quickly turning into anxiety. Objectively he knew he wasn’t in danger, but he was still cuffed, without a weapon, and in an unfamiliar setting. Almost two years of being on the run and ingrained into him that this was not a safe situation.

The doctor walked over to him carefully, holding a pair of headphones. He placed them on Kallus’ head. Hera’s hand was on her blaster. _Can you understand what I’m saying?_ Kallus nodded. _Good. I want you to indicate when the sound becomes audible._ Kallus nodded again. He stood there for a minute, but he couldn’t hear anything. The doctor looked over at him. _Nothing?_ Kallus shook his head. Another moment of silence. _Still nothing?_ Kallus shook his head again, and the doctor frowned. Another moment of silence. _Anything?_

Kallus was about to shake his head again, but stopped. He tilted his head slightly, listening. “I...I think I can hear something in my left ear.” He paused. “Yeah, I can hear something.”

The doctor nodded and took the headphones back. He looked over at Kallus. _You can read lips, I take it?_ Kallus nodded. _Okay, that’s good. How long has your hearing loss been present?_

“Close to two years.”

_Have you had any major head injuries or traumas during that time, or directly preceding it?_ Kallus nodded. _Can you describe them?_

“Around two years ago, I received several concussions and concussive blows, primarily to the right side of my head. I’ve also been in close proximity to ship engines and other loud noises in the time since.” Kallus knew that more details would probably be helpful, but he wanted to avoid going into specifics as much as possible. He already knew he couldn’t hear; he just needed to give enough information so that the doctor believed him. The details weren’t necessary.

_Okay._ The doctor nodded and went back over to Zeb and Hera. Their back were to him again, so Kallus couldn’t tell what they were saying, and the anxiety of being vulnerable and in an unfamiliar situation began to take over again. It was even worse now, knowing that he was in the same room with three different people who knew his biggest vulnerability and could exploit it if they wanted to.

Kallus focused on a single area of the wall across from him. _Just stay calm. You’re not in danger._ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _You’ll be fine. Just stay calm._

XXX

Hera stared at the doctor. “You mean he’s completely deaf?”

“No, not completely. He indicated at least some level of hearing in his left ear, but it was very little. The auditory stimulus was turned to the maximum volume, but he seemed to barely be able to hear it. If I had to guess, given what he said, I’d say he probably has nerve damage, at least on the right side. Head trauma can cause hearing loss, and that loss can be permanent if left untreated. If his hearing has been like this for almost two years, it’s almost definitely permanent by now.”

Hera looked over at Kallus, who seemed to be staring at one of the walls. “Do you think there’s any way he could be faking it?”

The doctor shook his head. “Not to this extent. Reactions to loud, even painfully loud, noises are largely involuntary. He wouldn’t be able to control it. The fact that he has no reaction means that he can’t hear the stimulus.” He paused. “I’d suggest a full exam in the near future. If he’s experienced trauma significant enough to potentially cause nerve damage, he should be checked out completely, just to make sure there isn’t any other lasting damage.”

Hera sighed. “Well, this changes things, I suppose.”

Zeb nodded. “I told you something was off.”

“We only know he was telling the truth about this. He could still be lying about not working for the Empire.” She walked over to Kallus and nudged him with her blaster. He looked up at her, startled. “Come on. We need to take you back to your cell.” Kallus nodded but didn’t say anything, and was quiet the entire walk back to the cell. Hera paused when she removed his cuffs. Kallus watched her cautiously. “You really can’t hear, can you?” He shook his head. “What happened?”

“It’s a long story.” Kallus’ voice was quiet, and he didn’t seem eager to elaborate. “You should go. Somehow I get the feeling this wasn’t signed off on by Commander Sato.”

Hera raised an eyebrow. “Regardless, I’m sure he’ll be curious when he finds out the results.” She paused, watching Kallus carefully. “Whatever happened, you’re going to have to tell someone eventually. You know that.”

Kallus nodded, but didn’t say anything.

XXX

_Everything happened so quickly. The explosion came seemingly out of nowhere, and Kallus was just as surprised as the guards. The force of it slammed him into the wall and everything seemed to slow down._

_The hallway was chaos. Whatever had happened it had caught everyone off guard, and it was bad. Kallus could vaguely hear people yelling, but it was muffled and indistinct. He blinked slowly, vision blurry and everything was tilted slightly. The left side of his head was ringing horribly and he was pretty sure his shoulder was dislocated._

_Get up. He needed to get up._

_Kallus stood up unsteadily, room still tilting. Everything hurt, but he needed to keep moving. This was his chance, probably his only one, to escape. A weapon, he needed a weapon, he was too weak to defend himself in hand to hand combat. He stumbled over to one of the guards lying on the ground. The man might’ve been dead or maybe just unconscious, Kallus couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. He just needed to get out. He took the man’s blaster and jacket and kept walking without looking back._

_It was pure luck that he found the meteorite, really, sitting in the guards’ quarters as he limped through, but he grabbed it immediately, not even putting it in his pocket, but instead holding it tightly as he stumbled through the smoke and out of the building._

_Adrenaline got him a ways, but he was still weak from months of torture and abuse. The weather was cold and windy, and he was nearly blinded by the snow. He managed to dodge into an alleyway before his legs gave out._

_He needed to keep moving. If he could get on a ship, to anywhere it didn’t matter, he could get away. Things were chaotic right now, and this was his best chance of getting off planet without being noticed._

_Kallus gripped the meteorite tightly and pulled himself up, leaning on the wall when his legs threatened to give out again. He just had to keep moving. That was all. He knew his chances weren’t good, not in his condition, but even if he died out here, it was better than going back to Thrawn._

XXX

Zeb stared at the ceiling above his bunk. It was late, and he knew he needed to go to sleep, but he couldn’t. When he’d brought Kallus to the infirmary with Hera, Zeb honestly hadn’t expected the doctor to confirm everything Kallus had told him. The idea of Kallus being deaf, or at least mostly so, had just seemed too far fetched. He’d definitely believed that something was up with Kallus, but certainly not this. 

And yet, Kallus had been telling the truth. He really couldn’t hear. The doctor had said that it was likely a combination of head trauma and exposure to loud noises without proper hearing protection. So something had definitely happened, and Zeb was becoming more and more inclined to believe that Kallus wasn’t working with the Empire anymore. There was mounting evidence: the tip about Sissubo, the meteorite, the hearing loss, the fact that Kallus looked more like a fugitive than an agent.

Zeb knew Sato would be pissed when he found out what had happened. Kallus had been right; they hadn’t gotten permission to remove him from the prison area, much less bring him to the infirmary where, had he wanted to, he could’ve made at least a decent effort to escape. He and Hera would get chewed out for sure, but Zeb didn’t really care. Knowing that Kallus was at least telling the truth about this brought up so many possibilities. If Kallus _wasn’t_ working for the Empire, what had he been doing since Zeb had run into him last? What had happened? Why had he left?

Zeb sighed and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. It was too much to think about right now. For now, he just needed to sleep.

XXX

Kallus paced back and forth in his cell, trying to keep his breathing measured and matched to his footsteps. The nightmare had been particularly bad. He wanted to get up and do something, anything, but he was stuck in the cell with very few options.

Nights like this were the worst. Compared to being an Imperial prisoner, to being _Thrawn’s_ prisoner, being a prisoner of the rebellion really wasn’t that bad. He was taken out of his cell and questioned every couple of days, but other than that he was primarily left alone. The cell wasn’t great or particularly comfortable, but there was a cot with a blanket and he was fed twice a day, so there wasn’t much to complain about. Nights were hard though. Waking up shaking and hyperventilating, his body tense and mind replaying the torture and terror of his time in prison, was hard enough, but he’d always been able to deal with it by simply distracting himself. There was always something that needed to be done when he’d been on the run, whether it was finding another place to stay, trying to bargain his way off-planet, or doing work he’d been hired to do in exchange for a ride. There was always something.

But here, there was nothing. It was just him, his memories, and the darkness, and Kallus wanted to avoid that at all costs. He didn’t want to have to relive the pain, the terror, he had felt then. He didn’t want to have to think about how much it had affected him, how broken he’d been and honestly still was. He was still afraid of those memories and the panic that came with them, and it was easier to avoid them than face them. 

Kallus sighed. He knew Hera was right; he’d have to tell someone what had happened eventually. It was inevitable by this point. That didn’t make it any easier though. It was easier to pretend nothing had happened, to just face the memories at night when he was alone, when no one else was watching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just finished up finals, so no class for a week (one quarter down, only 23 more to go...yay...). hopefully I can get a couple of updates done before classes start up!


	7. Chapter 7

“You did what?!”

“I know it was against protocol and we should’ve asked for permission first, but we…”

“You put this base and everyone on it at risk is what you did! He could’ve escaped! You could’ve compromised the entire base!”

Zeb grimaced. He knew Sato was right. “But Kallus was telling the truth. He really can’t hear.”

Sato’s face was red and Zeb could see the veins in his forehead. “So what?! He’s still an agent!”

“All due respect, sir, but I’m with Zeb on this.” Hera had stayed quiet throughout the reprimand until now. “From what the doctor said, Kallus’ hearing is minimal at best. In this state, he wouldn’t be much use as an agent to the ISB. He would’ve either died in the field or been relieved of duty long before his hearing got to this state. That doesn’t mean he’s necessarily on our side, but there’s definitely something more going on.”

Sato raised an eyebrow. “Really? And what about the fact that he was able to disarm Sabine when she encountered him on Sissubo? He almost killed her, you said so yourself. That doesn’t seem like someone the ISB would’ve gotten rid of.” Hera didn’t say anything. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “The Ghost is grounded until I figure out how to handle this. You are still to perform your duties around the base, but you are not to leave the planet until further notice. This applies to the whole crew.”

Sato walked off and Zeb sighed. “Well, that went just about as well as expected.”

Hera nodded. “I’ll go let Kanan, Ezra, and Sabine know. I’m sure they’ll be pleased.

Zeb sat there a little longer. He knew Sato was right, he and Hera really had put the base at risk. Any proof they had that he was no longer ISB was weak at best, and entirely circumstantial. Until they had more definitive proof, Kallus had to be regarded as an enemy and a threat. Until they knew for sure, he was still an ISB agent.

He sighed. There was no reason why he should feel this conflicted about this. All he had were suspicions, and half of them didn’t even stem from now. They stemmed from when they’d been stranded on… 

Zeb sat up, eyes wide. No. It couldn’t be. He got up and made his way through the halls, mind racing. There was no way. It couldn’t be.

Kallus was leaning against the wall when Zeb opened the cell door. He looked up, surprised. “Bahryn. That was the name of the moon we were stranded on. Geonosis’ moon, Bahryn.” He paused, Kallus watching him carefully. “You’re the one who was sending me information. You’re the anonymous informant.”

Kallus watched him silently for a minute before sighing. “I…yes. I was.”

Zeb frowned. “Why, though? And why didn’t you say anything?”

“It’s...complicated.”

“Does it have anything to do with why you’re on the Empire’s shit list now?”

“...Yes.”

Zeb stood there in silence, waiting for Kallus to say something. “Kallus…” 

Kallus ran a hand through his hair. “It’s...it’s a long story, but I’m on the run. From the Empire. Check the Imperial database, there should be a bounty on me. Sabine was a bounty hunter, so she should know how to access it. Last time I checked it was somewhere around 500,000 credits.” 

Zeb stared at Kallus in disbelief. “What’s the bounty for?”

“Treason, I believe. Probably murder too.” He smiled humorlessly. “I told you, I’ve managed to land pretty high on the Imperial shit list.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell Sato, or Hera, or me, or _someone_?”

“Because it’s complicated, and I don’t want to talk about it.” He paused and sighed. “I know I have to. I know I’m going to have to tell Sato what happened before he’ll even come remotely close to trusting me. That doesn’t mean I feel comfortable with it though. For now, all you need to know is that I betrayed the Empire and went on the run. That’s it. That is all you need to know right now.”

Zeb watched Kallus carefully, trying to take in what he was hearing. Kallus was tense and clearly uncomfortable. He wasn’t looking at Zeb, which made trying to continue to talk pointless; Kallus couldn’t hear him and was avoiding looking at him. He turned to leave.

“Zeb?”

Zeb stopped and turned back around. “Yeah?”

“I...I know I’m in no position to be asking for favours, but…” He paused, voice quiet. “The meteorite from Geonosis. It should be in my bag. Is...is there any way I could have it back?”

Zeb nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Kallus looked away again. “Thank you.”

XXX

_Kallus leaned against the wall, trying to keep his breathing steady. He needed to keep himself calm. The blaster shot had hit his abdomen and he was losing blood fast. He had to stay calm if he was going to stop the bleeding before he passed out. He had to stay focused._

_He didn’t have many supplies, but he had alcohol and bandages, so he would manage. The shot didn’t seem to have hit any vital organs, so he was lucky; he didn’t have the supplies to handle an injury like that. As it was, blood loss was his biggest danger. He was still recovering from his other injuries, so he was already weak, and it wouldn’t be long before he likely passed out. If he hadn’t properly bandaged the wound by then he’d bleed to death._

_He couldn’t let this happen again. He’d been caught off guard, hadn’t been paying enough attention, and the agent had almost caught him. He should’ve known better; he hadn’t been on the run for long, of course Thrawn had agents after him. He had to stay alert at all times if he was going to stay alive._

_Kallus bit down, trying to stay as quiet as possible, but it hurt like hell. The wound was painful enough as it was, and the alcohol just made it worse. He had to make sure it was sanitized though. His other injuries meant that he was weak and an infection could be fatal._

_By the time Kallus finished wrapping the bandages the edges of his vision were starting to darken. He knew he was going to pass out. He just hoped he’d bandaged the blaster shot well enough to keep him from bleeding out._

XXX

Kallus half expected to be lying on the floor of a broken down inn, bleeding, when he woke up. He grasped at his side, panicked and expecting blood, confused when there wasn’t any. _It was just a dream. You’re at the rebel base, you’re fine._ He let out a shaky breath. That’d been over a year ago. He was fine now. Everything was fine.

He sat up and reached under his pillow, sighing slightly in relief when he felt the warmth of the meteorite. He didn’t know how Zeb had gotten it back, but Kallus was grateful he had. The soft glow and gentle warmth was familiar and comforting. It had been with him when he first betrayed the Empire, it’d been with him when he was on the run, and it was with him now. He knew it was stupid and sentimental, it was just a rock, but it was really all he had left.

When he’d escaped from prison, the meteorite was the only thing of his he’d grabbed. He hadn’t had time to get anything else, nor was there really anything else he would’ve wanted. It’d kept him from freezing to death several times since then; without it he would’ve died not long after escaping. 

It also reminded him of Geonosis. Kallus considered being stranded on the moon possibly the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was the catalyst for everything that had happened, both good and bad. Betraying the Empire, being arrested, being tortured, escaping, going on the run, Geonosis had started it all.

Kallus sighed and laid back down, meteorite against his chest. Things were going to get hard, he knew that. He didn’t like thinking about much of what had happened, much less talk about it, but he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. Sato was going to want answers and Kallus couldn’t afford not to provide them. More than that, though, Sato would want proof. Details. The bounty on his head would help, but it wouldn’t be enough; Sato would want more. Not that Kallus blamed him. He’d want the exact same thing if he were in the commander’s position. The safety of the base and the rebellion as a whole came first and right now, Kallus was a threat to that. 

Telling Sato would be easier than telling Zeb, though. Sato expected Kallus to be cold and calculating, unemotional and unaffected. He could give a detached account of what had happened and Sato would accept it. He had no reason to expect anything else. Zeb, though, Zeb was different. He’d seen enough of Kallus’ more human side to be able to guess that his detached and unaffected demeanor was bullshit. He undoubtedly still saw Kallus as an enemy, but he had been the most willing to believe Kallus out of everyone else so far. He’d been the most willing to see Kallus as something besides an agent. 

Kallus knew Zeb was going to want answers to questions Sato wouldn’t even think to ask, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to give them.

XXX

“I’ll be damned.” Sabine stared at the screen in disbelief. “Alexsandr Kallus, wanted for treason and murder. 600,000 credit reward alive, 300,000 dead. The bastard was telling the truth.”

The picture of Kallus was grainy and blurry, and his face was partially obscured, but it was definitely him. He was wearing a jacket that was too large and several scarves, and seemed to be looking around warily. Zeb wasn’t surprised, honestly, not anymore. He believed most of what Kallus had told him by this point, but it was still strange to see a bounty for him.

“Murder and treason. That’s impressive.” Hera raised an eyebrow. “What the hell did he do?”

“He wouldn’t say. Made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.” Ezra sat back in his chair. “Agent Kallus, the guy who chased us halfway across the galaxy almost non-stop for like 3 years, and who almost killed us on numerous occasions, isn’t actually an agent anymore, committed treason, and, according to Zeb, has actually been anonymously sending information to the rebels for over a year. Did I miss anything?”

Sabine thought about it for a moment. “He’s also apparently basically deaf. Don’t forget that.”

Ezra nodded. “Oh yeah, and that too. What the fuck happened in the past two years?”

Everyone turned to Zeb. “Listen, he wouldn’t talk about it. All he would say was that he’d betrayed the Empire and gone on the run. He only admitted to being an informant because I confronted him about it.” He sighed. “Whatever happened, I’m guessing it was unpleasant, which is why he won’t discuss it.”

“We need to go to Sato.”

Zeb snorted and looked over at Hera. “Because I’m sure that will go over well. I’m sure he’s over the whole infirmary incident already.”

Hera sighed. “I don’t want to have to take this to him right now either, but somehow I get the feeling he’ll just be angrier if we don’t tell him.”

Kanan chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll leave that to you two. Have fun.”

XXX

Sato watched Kallus as the guards brought him into the interrogation room and he sat down. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither man speaking. Sato leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Why are you here, Kallus?”

“I was arrested.”

“No, you surrendered. Why?”

“It was my best option at the time.”

They fell back into silence. Sato watched Kallus carefully, trying to read his expression. “I’ve been informed that you’re deaf.”

“Mostly, yes.”

“And that you’re wanted by the Empire.”

“Yes.”

“For treason. And murder. And that you’ve been anonymously sending the rebellion information for over a year.”

Kallus paused. “...Yes.”

“So what happened? Why are you here?”

Kallus didn’t say anything for several minutes. Sato watched him, but his face was impassive. “I...became disillusioned with the Empire, and my role within it, a couple of years ago, and began sending information to the rebellion. Unfortunately, I wasn’t careful enough. It wasn’t long before my commanding officer realized there was a leak. I was eventually identified as the source and was apprehended. It took several months, but I was able to escape from custody. I’ve been on the run since.”

Sato raised an eyebrow. “It’s been over two years. You expect me to believe you’ve been on the run for over two years?”

“No, but it’s the truth.”

“Why didn’t you come to the rebellion? You claim to have already been sending us information by that point, so why not simply join us?”

“There were agents after me. I had no way of knowing how close they were to finding me, and didn’t want to risk exposing the location of the rebel base.”

Sato scoffed. “How kind of you. Makes you a real hero.” He paused. Kallus looked down for a moment, expression unreadable. “The story you’ve told me lines up with the evidence so far, but it doesn’t prove anything. Without proof, I have no reason to believe you, and every reason to assume you’re lying.”

“You’re right.” Sato looked up in surprise. Kallus’ voice was quiet. “You have no reason to believe me. And I don’t blame you for that. But I’m telling you the truth. I’m...not proud of what I did in the name of the Empire. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. But I’m trying to rectify that.” He paused. “I didn’t tell you about my hearing because it makes me vulnerable. It’s a weakness that you could easily exploit if you wanted to. And I didn’t tell you that I was an informant because I knew you wouldn’t believe me. I can trace the messages back, though, prove to you that they were from me. I can tell you what they said, and show you the written but unsent message regarding the weapons on Sissubo. I was confirming my information when I ran into the Ghost crew. I can tell you where at least one of the Empire’s off the books prisons is, because I was held there after I was discovered and arrested. I don’t know how much proof you need, but I’ll give you as much as I can. I swear, I mean the rebellion no harm.”

Sato didn’t say anything for several minutes. This admittedly wasn’t the response he’d been expecting. Kallus simply sat there watching him, expression immutable. Finally Sato cleared his throat. “You have a lot of missing time to explain. Over two years of it, in fact.”

Kallus nodded. “The first six or seven months, I was in prison, though I’m not exactly sure how long I was there, it may have been a bit longer. I was able to escape after an accidental explosion.” His voice was flat and emotionless. “The prison was on Thosa. It won’t be in the Imperial records, but you should be able to find evidence of large, unexplained shipments being sent there.”

“I’ll need to verify that.”

“Of course.”

Sato motioned to the guards by the door. “Until then, you’ll be escorted back to your cell.” He paused. “I sincerely hope you’re telling me the truth. For the rebellion’s sake and yours.”

XXX

Kallus stared at the wall blankly. His chest felt empty. _The first six or seven months, I was in prison, though I’m not exactly sure how long I was there, it may have been a bit longer._ He honestly didn’t know how long he’d been there. Looking back on things, trying to figure out how much time he’d missed, between six and seven months seemed about right, but he wasn’t entirely sure. It’d felt like years.

The emptiness in his chest felt heavy. Kallus drew his legs up and rested his head against his knees. He could feel his breathing getting shallow and shaky, and his hands were trembling slightly. He didn’t even bother trying to tell himself he was okay. He knew he wasn’t. Even talking peripherally about being imprisoned had been harder than he’d thought, and it was just going to get worse. Sato was going to want details, and Kallus didn’t know if he could give them. _It’s okay, you’re alone, no one can see you. No one can see you cry. No one will know._ He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the tears on his face. Everything was fine. He’d be fine.

XXX

Zeb closed the cell door quietly behind him. “Sato seems to be beginning to believe you. That’s good, and a far cry from where he was before.” Kallus nodded, but didn’t say anything. Zeb frowned. Kallus didn’t look good. “Are you alright?”

Kallus nodded again. “Yeah, I-I’m fine.”

Zeb walked over to the cot and sat down cautiously. Kallus looked over at him, and Zeb could tell he’d been crying. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Kallus…”

“Please, Zeb. Don’t make me talk about it. Not right now.” Kallus’ voice broke at the end, and he dropped his head.

“Okay, that’s okay.” He put a hand on Kallus’ shoulder, drawing back when Kallus flinched.

“I-I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s okay, don’t worry, it’s alright.” Zeb laid his hand gently back on Kallus’ shoulder, and he could feel him trembling. He waited until Kallus was looking at him again. “Do you want me to leave?”

Kallus shook his head. “No, I-I think I’d like it if you stayed. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Okay, I’ll stay then.” They sat in silence for a while, Kallus occasionally taking shaky breaths, distinctly avoiding looking at Zeb. Zeb kept his hand on Kallus’ shoulder. Kallus wouldn’t look at him, just sat there with his knees drawn up, staring at the floor. Finally Kallus looked back over at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kallus shook his head. “No, that...that’s the problem. I can’t.” He looked down again, breathing shaky. “Two years is a long time, Zeb, and...a lot happened. I was in prison for the first six or seven months. It was one of the off the books prisons. No official record of it. I’m sure Sato will be able to confirm that it exists, you just have to know what to look for, but he’s going to want proof, details, and I just…I can’t. I can’t talk about it. It’s too much.”

Zeb nodded, but didn’t say anything. He wanted to ask, figure out what had happened, where Kallus had been for the past two years, but this clearly wasn’t the time. Instead he just sat there, hand on Kallus’ shoulder, Kallus looking everywhere but at him.


	8. Chapter 8

_It didn't take long for Kallus to realize he'd lost most of his hearing in his left ear. He'd already become at least somewhat accustomed to not being able to hear in his right ear, or at least as accustomed as he could in his situation, but barely being able to hear at all was a different story. The world felt so foreign. If it wasn’t in his field of vision, he didn’t know what was happening, and that wasn’t good when you had people chasing you. The middle of the room was dangerous, sides were better, corners were the best. Avoid situations with low visibility. Stay aware of your surroundings. Much of this had been drilled into Kallus as a cadet, but it was more imperative now. The main sense he could rely on was now vision, and any situation where it was compromised was a potentially fatal one._

_Sleeping was the worst part. He was at his most vulnerable when he was asleep, and not being able to hear made him even more vulnerable. Someone could easily sneak into where he was sleeping and attack him, and he’d have no idea until it was too late. But sleep deprivation made him unfocused and slow to react, and he couldn’t afford that._

_He knew he’d get used to it. He had to. He didn’t have a choice. It was adapt or die._

XXX

Hera sat down across from Zeb. “Come on, just spill it. Something’s clearly been bothering you for the past couple of days. What’s up?”

Zeb frowned. “I’m…”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re going to say you’re fine, I’m going to call bullshit, I’ll ask you another couple of times what’s going on, and you’ll finally tell me. Why don’t we just cut to the chase and you tell me what’s bothering you.”

Zeb stared at her for a minute before sighing. “You know, I really wish you were wrong sometimes. It’s annoying when you’re always right.”

“It’s my curse to bear, I guess.” She shrugged. “Seriously though, something’s obviously been on your mind. What’s up?”

“I don’t know, I…” Zeb looked down at the table in front of him. “Have you ever wanted to help someone, but you just didn’t know how?”

“I guess so, yeah. Why?” Hera paused. “Is this about Kallus?”

“Sato questioned him again a few days ago, after we’d shown him the bounty, and I went to talk to Kallus after. He...he wasn’t in good shape.” Zeb sighed again. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I doubted whatever’s happened to him these past two years has been good. He was apparently arrested and held at some off the books Imperial prison, but he refuses to talk about it. I’m pretty sure he was crying before I went in.” He paused. “This isn’t the Kallus I’m used to dealing with, that any of us are used to dealing with, and, I don’t know, I guess it just almost makes me uncomfortable. I mean, Geonosis changed how I thought of him, sure, but this is different. What could’ve happened in those two years that changed him so much?”

Hera stared at Zeb. “He was _crying_?”

“He wouldn’t admit it, but it was pretty obvious.”

“Did you try to ask him about it?”

“Yeah, but he would say anything beyond the basic’s he’d told Sato. And he spent most of the time I was there looking everywhere but at me, which made trying to press him on it pretty pointless. I mean, I could talk all I wanted but it wasn’t much use if he couldn’t hear me.” Zeb laughed dryly. “You know, if you’d told me a month ago that I’d be sitting here concerned about Kallus of all people, I would’ve thought you were nuts. Hell, I would’ve thought you were nuts if you just told me that Kallus had betrayed them Empire and that I actually believed him. Yet here I am.”

Hera chuckled. “I’ll second that.” She paused. “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. But if he really is in as bad a state as you think he might be, you’re probably the person he’s most likely to tell. I mean, you were the first person he told about about his hearing loss or about the fact that he betrayed the Empire. You’re the person he sent information to while he was apparently on the run. He clearly trusts you to at least some extent. And some of this may just be that he’s still uncomfortable with the situation. If he really has spent almost the past two years on the run, then everything’s that happened is probably a real shift and he may just still be getting used to it.” She rested her hand on Zeb’s forearm and smiled. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

XXX

_I was able to confirm the presence of some sort of facility on Thosa. Say I believe you when you say it’s a prison and that you were held there. That’s still only around 6 or 7 months. It leaves close to two years blank. What happened between then and now? Where were you?_

“On the run. I managed to get off Thosa by hiding in the cargo bay of a transport ship, and ended up on Brosi. I managed to barter my way onto a smuggler’s ship and got out of the system as quickly as possible. I’ve been going from planet to planet ever since.”

_How did you lose your hearing? According to the doctor, you’re almost completely deaf._

“I sustained several...injuries while in Imperial custody. They resulted in hearing loss.”

_What sort of injuries?_

Kallus paused. “Is...is it really necessary that you know the details, Commander? I fail to see how it’s relevant.”

Sato frowned. _I’ll decide what is and isn’t relevant, agent. What sort of injuries did you sustain?_

Kallus looked down. It’s okay. Just stay calm. He expects you to be cold and detached, so be it. You’re fine. Just give him what he wants. “Primarily blows to the head. I lost hearing in my right ear while still in custody. The hearing loss in my left ear seems to have mainly been caused by the explosion that allowed me to escape.”

Sato nodded, and didn’t say anything for several minutes. _Two years is a long time to be on the run._ Kallus nodded, but didn’t say anything. _Why would the Empire continue sending agents after you for two years?_

“Because I had information they wanted.” Sato raised an eyebrow and motioned for Kallus to continue. “I knew how to contact you. Or at least how to contact Zeb. Either way, if Thrawn was able to figure out how I was doing that, he would’ve been able to track down the location of the rebel base. Plus he knew I was still sending you information.”

_How so? If you weren’t an agent anymore, how did you get access to the information you sent as an informant?_

Kallus smiled coldly. “Commander, I may not be proud of what I did as an ISB agent, but I was damn good at it. Agents carry comms, and whenever I killed one who was following me, I took theirs. As long as I was quick enough, I had access to all the information that was held on those devices. I could use them to track where the agents had been. I could access their recent communications with the Empire. That information could alert me to planned ambushes, the location of weapons stockpiles, even where rebel prisoners were being held. Thrawn wanted the information I had, but every time he failed to capture me, I gained more info and became more of a threat. Why do you think the bounty on my head was so high?”

_You got the information by killing the agents who were after you. That’s why your bounty includes murder as well as treason._

“Exactly.”

_I must admit, you’re functioning quite well for someone who can’t hear._

“In my world, Commander, you adapt or you die.”

XXX

Sabine sat down across from Hera. “Zeb said that Kallus still was completely deaf in his right ear, but still had some level of hearing in his left ear, right?”

Hera frowned. “Yeah, why?”

“Wouldn’t a hearing aid help then? At least somewhat?”

Hera thought about it for a moment. “I guess so, yeah. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Sabine nodded. “It’d probably be easier for Sato to question him if he can sort of hear, too.”

Hera raised an eyebrow. “Listen you don’t have to get my permission to build a hearing aid. We’ll both just pretend you’re doing it to help, rather than just out of pure curiosity to see if you can build one that works.”

Sabine grinned and stood up. “You know me way too well, Hera.”

“I’ll stop knowing what you’re going to do when you stop being predictable.” Hera shrugged and went back to looking at the engine schematics. “Have fun and try not to set anything on fire.”

XXX

Kallus stared at the table in front of him, trying not to think about the conversation he’d just had with Sato. Thankfully most of it had focused on what had happened after Kallus had escaped, on where he’d gone and what he’d done, but not all of it. _What sort of injuries? I’ll decide what is and isn’t relevant, agent. What injuries did you sustain?_ He closed his eyes. _Don’t think about it. Not here. Wait until you’re back in the cell. You can break down there if you need to. But not here. Don’t think about the beatings and the torture, about the pain and all the scars you have because of it. Not now. Not here._

He flinched when he felt a hand on his arm. He opened his eyes and looked over, trying not to move suddenly. He didn’t want a repeat of what had happened previously with Sato. It was just one of the guards. He was frowning slightly.

_Get up._

Kallus nodded and stood up slowly. He could feel his hands shaking slightly and clenched them into fists. Just wait. You’ll be back in the cell soon. Wait until no one’s watching. He followed the guard out of the room and down the hallway, trying to keep his breathing steady. They were almost there. 

A hand grabbed Kallus’ shoulder and he whipped around, heart pounding in his chest. His vision couldn’t seem to focus and it took him a moment to recognize Zeb, eyes wide in surprise. Zeb motioned to something behind Kallus and he turned to see the guard’s blaster pointed at him, safety off and ready to fire. He took a step back, bringing his hands up in surrender, but his heart was still pounding, feeling like it was going to burst out of his chest, and his breathing was getting harder and harder to control. Zeb was saying something, maybe to him, maybe to the guard, he couldn’t tell, but he couldn’t seem to focus on Zeb’s face enough to figure out what he was saying. His breath was starting to come in gasps and the only way he could control it was to simply not breathe. 

He could feel Zeb’s hand on his arm again, gentler this time, not so sudden, but he still flinched, instinctively trying to pull away, trying to protect himself. The lights in the hallway felt too bright, why were they so bright, and he just wanted to be back in his cell, where it was dark and he was alone and no one was staring at him like they were now. They were close to the cells and he could feel Zeb guiding him towards them, gently, but it was getting harder to walk. He wasn’t really sure when they got to the cell, but suddenly it was darker and Kallus stumbled over to the wall, trying to hold onto it for support but his legs were giving out and he was on the floor, bracing himself with shaking arms. He let out the breath that he’d only partially been aware he’d been holding and out with it came a strangled sob.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about the torture you endured for months, or how broken it’s left you. Don’t think about the beatings. Don’t think about how Thrawn would always pull back just enough so that you never lost consciousness, so that you were never able to rest. Don’t think about any of it._ Kallus’ thoughts were racing and he couldn’t make them stop, he couldn’t make the memories stop. He was back there, back on Thosa, back with Thrawn, and it was never going to end, he was never going to be able to escape. _What sort of injuries? What injuries did you sustain?_ He couldn’t breathe and he was gasping for air, trying desperately to get enough, but he couldn’t, his lungs screaming but there was nothing he could do.

Zeb crouched down beside him, trying to talk to him, to calm him down, to figure out what was happening, but Kallus pulled away violently, pushing back against the wall. He pulled his knees up, trying to make himself as small as possible, to just disappear, but he couldn’t. He was stuck there, Zeb watching him with concern, just as weak and broken as he always was. 

Zeb moved beside him slowly, careful not to get too close. His hand brushed Kallus’ arm lightly and Kallus flinched, but didn’t pulled back this time, not like before. He slowly put his arm around Kallus, pulling him in until it felt like he was surrounding him, and Kallus clung to him with a desperation that he hated, burying his face in Zeb’s fur because Zeb was the only thing that felt solid, that felt real. He was shaking so badly and he still couldn’t breathe, ragged breaths mixing with sobs and self-loathing. 

“I-I’m sorry…” It was all he could manage and he muttered it over and over again against Zeb’s chest. “I’m sorry…” 

It took awhile before he was able to calm down, and even then he didn’t let go of Zeb. He was exhausted, and Zeb seemed to be the only thing holding him up.

This was bad. He couldn’t explain this away, couldn’t just say he was fine after that. He pulled away slightly, trying to regain some semblance of composure, even though he knew it was pointless. 

_I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you back there. Are you okay?_ Kallus nodded, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust his voice. _Are you sure?_

Kallus nodded again. “I-I’m sorry, I was...you caught me off guard...I just…”

_It’s okay. I just want to make sure you’re alright. Do you need a doctor?_

Kallus shook his head. “No, I…I’m fine. I just...panicked, is all. I’m fine.” He let out a shaky breath and glanced back up at Zeb. “Thank you. For getting me out of there.”

_Don’t worry. Do you want to talk about it?_

“No.”

_Okay. Do you want me to stay for a bit?_

“Yeah, i-if you don’t mind.” He looked down at the floor. The world still felt a bit blurry from hyperventilating, but Zeb’s arm around his shoulders seemed to help ground him. Zeb just felt...real. Solid. It was comforting. For a moment, Kallus could almost pretend that he wasn’t going to have to explain everything that had just happened. He could almost pretend that it was going to be alright.

XXX

Zeb stared at the ceiling of his bunk. It was late, but he couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about Kallus. 

Sato had called him in and asked him what had happened. Zeb hadn’t been surprised, the guard had pulled his blaster so Zeb had assumed that it would be reported to Sato, but he hadn’t known what to say. He ended up just saying that he’d accidentally come up behind Kallus and startled him, which was technically true, but definitely not the full story. 

What was he supposed to say? That Kallus had apparently been so terrified that he could barely make it back to his cell standing? That he’d sat on the cell floor hyperventilating and crying? That all he’d been able to say was “I’m sorry” over and over again? That afterwards he wouldn’t meet Zeb’s eyes and refused to talk about it? That he was increasingly worried about Kallus?

Zeb sighed a rolled over. The more he thought about it the more convinced he was that whatever had happened to Kallus since they last seen him, it was bad. Really bad. The sort of bad you didn’t recover from quickly, if at all. He kept thinking of Kallus’ hearing loss. He’d told the doctor, and later Sato, that he’d sustained several concussive blows to the head. The amount of force, or number of times he’d been hit, needed to cause the damage he had was significant. He would’ve had to have been hit repeatedly, likely over a somewhat extended period of time. And if he’d lost his hearing around two years ago, it would’ve happened around the time that he was in prison. It wasn’t hard to draw connections from there. Beatings in prison weren’t usually just a one time thing. According to what he’d said, Kallus had been there for between six and seven months. That was a long time for things to happen, and Zeb had heard enough horror stories about what went on in on the book Imperial prisons that he didn’t even want to imagine what went on in ones that were off the books.

He believed Kallus. He believed that Kallus had betrayed the Empire, that he’d been caught and arrested, that he gone on the run and acted as an anonymous informant. The evidence supported everything he’d said so far. But that had a lot of implications for what had happened since, for what Kallus had been through, for why he was acting the way he was, and Zeb wasn’t sure what to do with that.


	9. Chapter 9

Kallus felt exhausted, but he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He’d tried pacing for a while, hoping it would tire him out, but it hadn’t worked. Now he just laid on the small cot, staring at the ceiling. He knew Sato would ask him tomorrow about what had happened earlier, and he was dreading it. The guard had pulled his blaster on Kallus, and Sato would understandably want an explanation. Honestly, Zeb was probably the only the reason the incident hadn’t ended with Kallus getting shot. 

Kallus groaned and rolled onto his side. He was going to have to explain this to Zeb too. And it wasn’t like he could avoid either of them. He was stuck in an 8 by 11 cell with nowhere to go.  
He’d thought he’d been okay. He really had. He’d still had nightmares, but he figured he’d probably never really get rid of those. He thought he’d come to terms with everything that had happened, learned to live with it. It was never going to be great or easy, but it had been okay. He’d been okay. But everything had changed. Kallus wasn’t on his own anymore. He was stuck in a cell, held by people who didn’t trust or believe him, having to explain where he’d been for the past two years to someone who wanted more details and proof than he was comfortable giving. His hearing loss had gone from being something he could work around to something that had almost gotten him shot twice. 

As much as he hated to admit it, he was frightened. He was stuck in an unknown situation that he had no control over, and that scared him. He had no idea where he stood with the rebels, and he knew that the wrong move could put his life in jeopardy. If he chose to, Sato could have Kallus tried and executed as a war criminal. The only real way to avoid that was to convince Sato that he wasn’t a spy, that he really had betrayed the Empire and been an informant, but that was easier said than done.

Kallus sat up and sighed. He wasn’t getting anywhere. All he was doing was making himself anxious by trying to think through everything, and it was keeping him from sleeping. He needed to get some rest; he was sure Sato would have a lot of questions for him tomorrow.

XXX

_Kallus leaned against the cargo bay wall. He could feel the ship vibrating as it took off. He knew he should be glad to be getting off planet, the Empire had been closing in on him, but he felt nothing. He had several ISB agents on his tail and he’d barely gotten off planet before they’d arrived. He was lucky._

_He didn’t feel lucky though. He felt empty. It had only been a few months since he’d escaped custody, so the Empire was never far behind him, and as much as he would do anything to keep from going back to prison, he wondered if running was really worth it. What was the point, really? What did he have that was worth living for in the end? He had no family, no friends, no one to care if he lived or died. He’d spent his entire life up until a about a year ago believing in a lie, and was going to spend the rest of his life living in empty silence. He had nothing, and the only people he had any connection to or cared about at all would shoot him on sight if he ever ran into them._

_He sat against the wall as the ship jumped into hyperspace, staring at nothing and wondering if he would simply be better off dead._

XXX

Kallus sat across from Sato, staring at him dully. He hadn’t slept at all. Sato was questioning him about what had happened the day before, but he kept glancing down and Kallus would lose track of what he was saying. His lack of sleep wasn’t helping his concentration either. 

_...want to know why._ Sato stared expectantly at Kallus.

Kallus sighed. “I’m sorry, Commander, I missed that.”

Sato frowned. _I said I want to know why you attacked Garazeb. Are you even paying attention to anything I’m saying?_

“Yes, I just...I lose track of what you’re saying when you look down. It gets hard to follow.” He paused. “I didn’t mean to attack Garazeb. I didn’t realize he had come up behind me and he caught me off guard."

_That doesn’t seem like a particularly good reason to attack someone, agent._

“I can’t hear anything and spent almost the last two years on the run. Anything that catches me off guard automatically registers as a threat. It’s...not ideal, but it’s kept me alive thus far, so it’ll take a little to break the habit. And please stop calling me agent. I haven’t been one for a while.”

_Your information may have checked out so far, but I’m far from convinced that you’re no longer an agent. And you keep attacking my men, which doesn’t help._

Kallus sighed and leaned back in his chair, frustrated. “What do you want me to do, Commander? Suddenly be able to start hearing again? Disregard the months of torture and almost two years of wondering if tomorrow was going to be the day that ISB agents caught up with me?” 

_Well it’s certainly inconvenient every…_

“Oh, well, I’m terribly sorry that my trauma and hearing loss are fucking _inconvenient_ for you, Commander. Imagine how it is on my end.” He knew he was treading on thin ice and needed to calm down. He was in a precarious position as it was, and insulting Sato wasn’t going to get him anywhere. At least not anywhere good. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm down. “I...I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

Sato watched him for a moment, not saying anything. _You mentioned months of torture._

Kallus laughed humorlessly. “I was in an off-the-books Imperial prison. What exactly did you think happened there? Besides, you know the Empire and their tactics, almost as well as I do. You know what they do to traitors.”

_They kill them._

“Not immediately. Not when they have information. They break them first. _Then_ they kill them.”

_And did they break you?_

Kallus paused. _Almost._ “They tried. But the issue with trying to break an ex-Imperial is they already know all the tricks.” He looked down and took a deep breath. “But just because they didn’t break me doesn’t mean they didn’t leave a mark.” He looked back up at Sato. “As much as I hate to admit it, what happened, what they did to me, left its mark, and I’m trying to deal with the aftermath of it with one less sense than everyone else. I’d found a balance. Things weren’t great, but I could get by. That balance doesn’t work anymore though, not here. It’s going to take me a little to get used to that and to readjust.” He sighed. “I know you don’t trust me - I don’t blame you - and I know my...reactions put you in a difficult position. I’m doing my best to be as cooperative as possible. But there’s only so much I can do.”

Sato considered him silently. _You’re right. I don’t trust you. But I do believe that’s the most honest you’ve been with me since you arrived on this base._

XXX

Sato leaned against his desk, frowning. His most recent questioning of Kallus had...not gone the way he’d expected. He was still getting used to the idea that Kallus had apparently lost the majority of his hearing, which the doctor had confirmed and had said it would nearly impossible for him to be faking it to this extent. So whatever had happened, it had resulted in serious hearing loss. Kallus compensated well, though, and had hidden it quite effectively. 

A deaf prisoner was very different than a hearing prisoner however. As much as he didn’t trust Kallus, Sato had to admit that many of the issues that had come up could potentially be tied to his hearing loss. His refusal to answer questions at first may simply have been he didn’t know what Sato was asking him. His ability to lip read was impressive but it was limited and could only be used when he could fully see the face of the person asking the question. His apparent attack on Sato could’ve been an extreme startle response. Sato had admittedly been behind him and Kallus wouldn’t have known he was there. The incident yesterday could’ve also potentially been an extreme startle response, though a much more serious one. 

He also had to take into account the information Kallus had given him. Everything had checked out so far. The information regarding Sissubo was accurate, as was the information on the hidden facility on Thosa, and it appeared quite likely that Kallus had been the anonymous informant known as Bahryn for close to a year before he was captured. There was also a significant bounty on him for treason and murder. It was possible that the bounty was fake and had been put up simply as part of a cover, but doing so would be a risky move. The bounty was sizable enough that it would attract attention and at least some bounty hunters would attempt to collect on it. 

Kallus had also mentioned torture. He’d seemed reluctant to talk about it, and had been reluctant to talk about his time in Imperial custody previously. He was right, though, when he said that Sato knew the Empire’s tactics. If Kallus truly had been arrested by the Empire, given the circumstances, he would’ve almost certainly been tortured. This was especially true if he had been held in an off-the-books prison. The Empire’s view of the sentient rights of prisoners was...lax at the best of times, and torture wasn’t uncommon. 

Sato sighed. Kallus could just as easily be lying about this though. A doctor had been able to confirm Kallus’ hearing loss, so perhaps a visit to the infirmary could help with this too. Torture, particularly prolonged periods of it, left physical marks. As an agent Kallus would’ve likely gotten his fair share of scars, but torture was purposeful and often left distinctive marks.  
He nodded and stood up. He needed more information, and a physical exam couldn’t hurt.

XXX


	10. Chapter 10

Zeb closed the cell door behind him quietly. Kallus was sitting on the cot, leaning against the wall. He looked up as Zeb walked over. Zeb motioned to the cot. “Okay if I sit down?” Kallus shrugged and moved over, but didn’t say anything. “How’re you doing?”

Kallus shrugged again. “Fine.”

“Sato said he wants you to have a full medical exam at the infirmary. Said he wants to confirm information you gave him.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.”

Zeb watch him for a moment. “What sort of information is he trying to confirm that would require a medical exam?”

Kallus laughed quietly and looked down. “I’ll tell you the same thing I told the Commander. I spent over half a year in an unofficial Imperial prison. I’m sure you can imagine what happened.” He looked back up. “Sato just wants proof.”

Zeb paused. He knew what Kallus was implying. He’d known, at least to some extent, for a while, but he’d avoided asking. Asking meant he’d get an answer, and he wasn’t sure what to do with the answer he knew he was going to get. “Kallus, were you...were you tortured?”

Kallus laughed again, quiet and humorlessly. “Of course I was. I was a traitor and I had information they wanted. Torturing me was the easiest and most logical way to get that information.” He shrugged. “It’s how I lost my hearing. Or at least in my right ear anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“Head trauma. I guess they hit me too hard, or too many times, or something.” He sighed and looked away. “I knew something was wrong. It hurt more than it should’ve, more than it had before, and everything just felt...off. I couldn’t keep my balance, everything sounded muffled, and it just _hurt_ too much. I knew something had happened but I couldn’t figure out what it was until a couple of days later. The pain had subsided somewhat, but I still couldn’t hear. When a couple more days passed and my hearing still hadn’t come back I knew I’d lost it in that ear. The...circumstances surrounding the incident are why I’ve always figured it was nerve damage. It happened too quickly and suddenly for it to be anything else.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked back over at Zeb. “I know I have to talk about this. I know I have to tell Sato. But…” He paused. “I’ve never told anyone. It’s been almost two years since I escaped, and I haven’t told a single person what happened. I thought I’d been okay. I thought I was coping with...with the effects of what happened well enough, but…”

“Talking about it is different.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” Kallus leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “If I don’t talk about it, I can minimize what happened. I can pretend like it doesn’t affect me, and no one will ever be the wiser because they didn’t know what happened in the first place. But talking about it makes it real. I can’t ignore it, I can’t pretend everything’s fine, if other people know.” He took a shaky breath. “And I’m not fine. I haven’t been fine for a while, and honestly, I don’t think I ever really will be again.” 

Zeb put his arm around Kallus’ shoulders cautiously, expecting him to pull away, but he didn’t. He rested his head against Zeb’s shoulder and sighed. “I’m tired, Zeb. I’m just so tired, of all of this.”

“I know.” He knew Kallus couldn’t see what he was saying, but he felt he needed say something, anything. Kallus felt so small next to him. So vulnerable. He’d seen what torture could do to people before, how it could change them, but this was Kallus. He’d chased them halfway across the galaxy for almost two years. He was rigid, meticulous, and dogmatic, not vulnerable. Yet here he was, almost unrecognizable from the man Zeb was used to.

XXX

Kallus stared at the wall, trying his hardest not to think. The doctor walked around him, noting his scars, asking him about injuries. There was a guard by the door, hand on his blaster, and Kallus knew that if anything happened he would shoot without hesitation

He sat there, giving his answers dispassionately, doing his best not to think about what each answer meant. He knew he’d have to later, when he was left alone with nothing but his thoughts, but not here. Not now. 

XXX

Sato read the report carefully. He glanced up. “You’re sure?” 

The doctor nodded. “He sustained a large number of injuries over a prolonged period of time, probably 6 months to a year. None of the injuries seemed to be intended to be lethal, but it was clear that most, if not all, of them were inflicted deliberately by another person.”

“There could be other explanations though. He was an ISB agent, he would’ve been injured in the field.”

“Commander…” the doctor paused. “All due respect, but I’ve worked with enough soldiers to know what battle scars look like, and these weren’t that. Torture scars are distinct. They’re inflicted not with the intent to kill or maim, but to cause maximum pain. He certainly had scars that he likely got in the field as an agent, but the overwhelming majority are much more likely the result of torture over the course of at least several months, if not more.”

Sato frowned. “Okay, thank you.” The doctor nodded and left. Sato picked the report back up. As hesitant as he was to believe Kallus, he seemed to be telling the truth. The weapons depot on Sissubo had been a real tip, they’d been able to confirm the presence of a facility on Thosa, Kallus’ hearing loss was genuine, and now it appeared he was telling the truth about being tortured as well. Everything lined up, and it explained Kallus’ behaviour since being arrested better than anything else so far. 

It was admittedly hard to swallow. The idea that _Agent Kallus_ of all people had betrayed the Empire, and then paid a steep price for it, went against all of Sato’s instincts. They’d had Imperial defectors join the rebellion before, but never an ISB agent, and certainly never someone who had previously had such steadfast faith in the Empire.

But if Kallus really was telling the truth, he could be a valuable asset to the rebellion. He was highly trained and had years of experience as an agent. Any field work would likely have to be limited because of his hearing, but he’d managed to to evade Imperial forces for almost two years despite being almost and had been able to provide valuable information to the rebellion during that time, so he was clearly still quite effective.

The biggest issue would honestly likely be other members of the rebellion. Even if Kallus had truly switched allegiances, he was well known among the rebels and many people would refuse to trust him. Even with the increasing evidence, Sato himself was still having a hard time trusting him at all, and without all of the information Sato had other rebels would likely refuse to trust him flat out. 

Sato sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He’d hoped that things would get easier as he got more information, but it looked like it was going to be the opposite.

XXX

Kallus looked up when the cell got brighter, expecting it to be Zeb. He frowned when he saw Hera and Sabine.

Hera closed the door behind her. _Can you read my lips okay in this light?_

Kallus nodded, confused.

Sabine walked over to him. _You can still hear a little out of your left ear, right?_ Kallus nodded again. Sabine held up a small device. _I made a hearing aid. I don’t know if it’ll work, it depends on how much hearing you still have left, but it may help a little._ She held it out and Kallus took it cautiously. Sabine pointed to a small button on the side. _That should turn it on and off._

Kallus looked it over for a minute before putting it on. Nothing seemed to happen.

“How do we…it works?”

Kallus blinked in surprise. “You...you just said something.” It had been quiet and a little unclear, but he’d heard it. He looked up. “I heard you say something.”

Sabine looked at Hera and grinned. “That’s...” _how_ “I guess.”

It was still a bit unclear and he couldn’t pick up everything that was being said, but it was more than Kallus had heard in almost two years. 

Hera watched Kallus for a minute before motioning to Sabine. _We should_ “tell Sato.”

Sabine nodded and stood up, still grinning. “I can’t believe it actually works.”

Kallus flinched as the cell door closed behind them. It was...loud. He didn’t remember things being that loud, and it surprised him. It felt odd to have even heard it in the first place. Objectively, he knew that having at least some of his hearing back was good, especially given his current situation and how many issues his hearing loss had caused. But it still felt odd. He wasn’t sure he even really remembered what the world sounded like anymore, and the prospect of suddenly being able to hear part of it again wasn’t as exciting as he thought it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, there's clearly no way _this_ could go wrong
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kind and encouraging comments on this fic!!! It makes me so happy to know that other people enjoy reading the fic as much as I enjoy writing it ^u^


	11. Chapter 11

Zeb glared at the engine in frustration. If he stared at it long enough maybe the problem would fix itself. Nothing else was working so he might as well try. 

“How’s it going?”

Zeb glanced back at Hera. “Not great. This is going to take several days at least.”

“Lovely,” Hera sighed. “Sato needs us out on a run as soon as possible.”

“Well, unless you can pull off some magic or something, it won’t be happening anytime soon.” Zeb shook his head. “We’re going to be grounded for probably at least a week.”

“Okay, I’ll let Sato know. Get some rest, I’m sure the next few days will be nonstop working on the Ghost.”

“Yeah, let me know what he says.” Zeb wandered up to the Ghost’s kitchen to make a cup of caf. The Ghost was a good ship, but she’d taken her fair share of beatings and it showed. The engine had needed to be replaced for a while now, but there had never been time. There had always been something more pressing and everything had still worked enough to get the job done, but broken parts could only last so long.

It would be nice to stay on base for at least a few days though. They’d been doing runs almost nonstop for the past two weeks or so, and he was ready to rest for a day or two, even if resting really just meant working on the engine. It’d be a nice break regardless. He supposed he could stop in and check on Kallus again if the ship was going to be grounded for a few days.

It’d been a few weeks since Zeb had talked to Kallus. He’d known, or at least been able to guess, for a while now that Kallus had been tortured. He’d been arrested for treason and held in an off the books Imperial prison; nothing good happened in places like that, and it was obvious from Kallus’ demeanor and hearing loss that something had happened. Zeb had seen what trauma could do to people, and Kallus was clearly struggling. Easily startled, hypersensitive to perceived threats, not sleeping, he showed all the classic signs of having experienced significant trauma. Zeb hadn’t asked, though, because asking meant he’d get answer and it’d been easier to pretend he wasn’t sure. 

Kallus had laughed when he’d finally asked, tired and humourless, saying of course he’d been tortured, he was a traitor. The resignation in his voice had been harder to hear than the actual answer. It was one thing to know, but it was another to hear Kallus actually say it. I’m not fine. I haven’t been fine for a while, and honestly, I don’t think I ever really will be again. I’m just so tired, of all of this. The defeat in Kallus’ voice had been palpable. The exhaustion. 

Zeb hadn’t talked to Kallus since. He tried to tell himself that it was just because they’d been busy on raids and supply runs, which they had been, but he knew that wasn’t true. He didn’t know what to say. Kallus was so different now than he had been previously, so obviously damaged and not okay, and Zeb had no idea what to do. Zeb was beginning to realize just how much Kallus had lost when he’d decided to help the rebellion, and just how steep of a price he’d paid. 

He took a drink of his caf and grimaced at how bitter it was. He knew he should check in with Kallus to see if he was okay. Sato would’ve undoubtedly had Kallus have a medical exam to look for evidence of torture by this point, which had likely just brought things up for Kallus that he’d been avoiding thinking about. Plus Sabine had apparently made some sort of hearing aid for him to try and increase his hearing in the one ear. That could either go very well or very poorly. Either way, uncomfortable with the situation or not, Zeb was sure Kallus could use at least one person on his side for once.

XXX

_Kallus had fucked up. He knew it as soon as he turned into the alley. The ambush was quick and sudden, the knife to his ribs disabling him relatively quickly. He dropped his things, hoping his attackers would simply take what they wanted and leave. He was slammed into the wall by an unseen person and he did his best to just keep his eyes down and appear non threatening._

_He’d realized he was about to be robbed the moment he’d turned the corner. There’d been three or four figures in the shadows, one darting out immediately with a knife. He backed against the wall, away from his bag on the ground, hands raised in surrender. He wasn’t entirely sure how many of them there were or how well they were armed, so his best bet was to just give them what they wanted and avoid any further confrontation. The stab wound didn’t feel like it was too deep, he’d be fine as long as the situation didn’t escalate. Just breathe through the pain. He’d be fine._

XXX

Kallus sat at the interrogation table uncomfortably. He’d been in this room multiple times before, sometimes for hours at a time, but it was different now. There was some sort of buzzing or humming that was constant. He couldn’t quite locate where it was coming from, but the most likely source was the air vent up by the ceiling. 

Sabine had worked on the hearing aid a bit more and it seemed to work decently well. As long as he was withing a few feet of her and she wasn’t mumbling or whispering, he seemed to be able to hear just about everything she said. She was clearly excited, but Kallus was less so. He was thankful of course, being able to hear would almost definitely make things a lot easier, but he wasn’t used to it anymore, and speech wasn’t the only thing he picked up. Other sounds were usually indistinct and hard to localize, but he could hear them. 

He fliched as he heard the door shut, caught off guard by the suden noise. Sato walked over and sat down. “Sabine told me she made you a hearing aid and that you seem to have some of your hearing back.”

“Y-yes.” Kallus frowned. His own voice sounded weird to himself. He wasn’t used to hearing it anymore. “It seems to work quite well.” 

“That’s good. I’m sure it will make our conversations much easier.” Kallus just nodded. Sato pulled out a file. “Your medical exam was...enlightening. You have quite the collection of scars.” Kallus nodded again, not sure what to say. Sato watched him, clearly waiting for some sort of response, sighing when none was forthcoming. “I have to admit, Agent Kallus, I’m in an odd position. I don’t trust you, I’m sure you can understand why, with your history and everything. But everything you’ve told me thus far has checked out. All of your information has been accurate, and you seem to be telling the truth. I believe you, but I still don’t trust you.”

It was almost unsettling hearing Sato’s voice. Kallus realized he’d never actually heard him speak before. “I wouldn’t trust me either if I were in your position.” He tried to focus on Sato’s words, but the humming from the air vent felt very loud. 

“The information you’ve given may have been truthful, but you’ve been very reticent to given anything up, even information that could’ve helped you. You went quite some time before informing anyone that you’d been a rebel informant. Most people…”

Kallus tried to refocus. A noise from the hallway had distracted him and he’d lost track of what Sato was saying. He was clearly waiting for an answer. “I…I was unclear of where I stood with you. I knew you didn’t trust me, but my hearing kept me from being fully aware of the situation.” The humming felt like it was getting louder. Kallus did his best to block it out and focus on Sato. 

“Telling me could’ve only helped you though.”

“I kept my identity a well-hidden secret for almost two years. I guess old habits die hard.”

Kallus had a pounding headache by the time Sato finished questioning him. The humming from the air vent had seemed to just get louder throughout the entire session and he kept getting distracted by noises coming from outside the small room. By the end it had been almost impossible for him to focus on what Sato was saying. He didn’t remember focusing on a person’s voice being this difficult.

The walk back to the cell wasn’t any better. The guards brought him through the main docking area. Objectively Kallus knew that ships and docking areas were loud, he’d spent a fair amount of his time on the run working in them, but the noise was almost unbearable now. There was just so much of it. Machinery mixed with yelling voices, and he couldn’t pick anything apart. By the time he was finally back in his cell Kalus could barely think his headache was so bad. 

He took off the hearing aid as soon as the cell door closed behind him, reveling in the silence that immediately surrounded him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of updates recently, grad school's been kicking my ass. finally finished my first year though, so here's a celebratory (if rather short) update!! thanks for all the amazing comments!!!


	12. Chapter 12

Sato stared at the surveillance data in front of him. They believed they’d found an Imperial weapons store, but they weren’t sure. If they had really found one, the Empire was doing a good job of hiding it. At first glance it just looked like a scrapped parts shop, but the security was surprising. It seemed too much to simply be a parts shop, but it didn’t seem to be enough to be an Imperial store. 

He’d had men watching the building for a week now, but there was still no definitive answer as to what it was. If it was a weapons store Sato wanted to move it; they could use new weapons, and what they didn’t use they could sell for funding. He didn’t want to just attack a random scrapped parts store though. That was far from the image the rebellion was trying to maintain. And even if it was some sort of Imperial store, Sato was uncomfortable with how little security there was. This could be a trap. 

Sato sat back and sighed. He could maybe use this though. He needed a fresh set of eyes on this, and who better to ask than Agent Kallus? Sato had watched this footage enough to know it inside and out, and it could be enlightening to see what Kallus noticed and commented on, as well as what he left out. And, if Kallus truly had switched allegiances, perhaps he could even provide helpful information. 

XXX

Kallus watched the surveillance footage carefully. He knew this was a test. Sato wanted to see what he noticed, to see if he would provide accurate information. He did his best to focus entirely on the data, trying to ignore the humming from the vent and the noise in the hallway. At least he didn’t have to focus on a voice. 

He watched the video three times, focusing on a different area each time through. Finally satisfied that he’d noticed everything he was likely to notice, he put the data pad on the table and looked up at Sato. “It’s not an Imperial weapons store, I can tell you that.”

Sato watched him carefully. “What makes you say that?”

“Weapons stores are usually larger and nearer to the docking areas. This is too small, too far from the docks, and in too crowded of an area.” He paused, caught off guard by a loud noise in the hallway. It took him a moment to refocus. “Also, look at the door. I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure that’s one of the symbols the Kanjiklub uses to mark their territory. Even if it isn’t, it’s extremely close. Given how present the Hutt clan is in this area, an Imperial depot would never use any sort of symbol like that. It’s basically inviting a Hutt raid.” Sato frowned and took the data pad. “If I had to guess, based on the location and security, I’d say it’s probably a small drug storehouse, probably used mostly by local street dealers associated with the organization. There probably would be weapons there if you raided, but they wouldn’t be the main haul.”

Kallus knew that this was a good sign. A test like this meant that Sato was beginning to trust him, but it also meant he had to be careful. If he said or did the wrong thing, he could destroy all of the progress he’d managed to make.

The vent in the room had graduated from loud humming to some sort of clattering noise. Kallus closed his eyes, trying to ignore it, but it felt so loud. It took him a moment to realize Sato was speaking again. 

“...based on a symbol you’re not entirely sure you can identify.”

Kallus opened his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch the first part of that.”

“I said you’re making this assumption based on a symbol you’re not entirely sure you can identify. It’s a rather large leap.” 

“You asked for my analysis. Given the information you gave me, that seems like the most likely situation. If you have other information that contradicts this, I will take it into consideration and change my analysis.” Kallus knew he was bordering on being out of line, and it made sense that Sato would question whatever he concluded, but he just wanted to get out of here and back to his cell where it was quiet. 

“It’s just quite different from the analyses my agents gave me.” Sato watched Kallus, likely expecting an answer, but Kallus just nodded and didn’t saying anything. He knew anything he said would likely come out as sarcastic and he didn’t want to dig himself any deeper of a whole than he might have already. “Several Imperial soldiers have been observed going into the building.”

“All that means is that the local law enforcement is corrupt. Outer Rim planets are notorious for having easily bribed Imperial law enforcement. I would've assumed any decent agent operating the region would know that.” 

Sato gave him a look. “You could just be saying this to keep me from raiding it. It would make sense for an Imperial agent to want to protect a hidden weapons depot.”

“Then why…” Kallus stopped, startled by a loud clanging noise in the hallway. He clenched his fists under the table. “Then why the hell bother asking me in first place?”

Sato raised an eyebrow and motioned to the guard by the door. “To see if you’d be cooperative. I’ll inform my analysts of you...conclusion.”

Kallus knew he’d fucked up and stepped too far out of line, but the cloud of a headache was beginning to form and he just wanted to get back to his cell. If being out of line was what got him there, he’d deal with the consequences later. 

XXX

Kallus looked up as his cell brightened, hoping that it wasn’t a guard to take him to talk to Sato. The headache that had started to form earlier had turned into something head splitting, probably thanks to having to walk through the docking area on the way back to his cell, and turning his hearing aid off hadn’t helped much. He didn’t think he could handle another questioning session very well. It was Zeb though. Kallus turned on his hearing aid reluctantly. 

Zeb leaned against the wall, watching him. “Can you hear me?” Kallus nodded. “Yeah, Sabine, said she’d made you a hearing aid. I’m glad it seems to be working.” Kallus just nodded again. Zeb shifted, uncomfortable. “It’s been a couple of weeks. How’ve you been?”

Kallus shrugged. “I’ve been fine.” It was strange hearing Zeb’s voice again. It had been a couple of years since he’d hear him speak, but there was something…familiar about it. He flinched as something loud dropped in the hallway outside the cell.

Zeb frowned. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just…I’m still getting used to hearing again.” He rubbed his temples. “You forget just how loud the world is. It’s a lot to take in.”

“It must help with Sato questioning you though.”

“I guess.” He sighed. “I hadn’t realized just how much noise there was though. It makes it hard to focus on a single voice sometimes.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it pretty soon.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Kallus rubbed his temples again, trying to alleviate the searing pain behind his eyes at least a little. He almost never wore the hearing aid in his cell, but now that he was he was becoming painfully aware that a vent or something similar in his cell made the exact same humming sound as the one in the interrogation room. It was even starting to make the same clattering sound. “Fucking hell…”

Zeb frowned and walked over. “You sure you’re alright?”

“I just have a bit of a headache.” He closed his eyes, hoping the darkness would help somewhat. He felt Zeb sit next to him on the cot. “Do all the vents here make that fucking sound?”

“What, the humming sound?” Kallus nodded. “Some of them do. The ventilation system on the base isn’t the best.”

“Lovely.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Kallus could Zeb shifting uncomfortably next to him. “I saw that Sato had you go to the infirmary a week or two ago to…confirm what you’d told him. About what happened while you were in Imperial custody.”

“Yeah. We’re not going to talk about it. I’m fine.”

“Oh. Okay. Sorry I brought it up.”

They drifted back into silence. After a moment, Kallus sighed. “I’m sorry. I know you mean well. It’s just…it’s not a pleasant topic for me, and headaches like this don’t put me in much of a conversational mood, that’s all.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can leave if you want.”

“No, it’s fine.” He shrugged. “It’s nice to have the company, even if I am being a bit of an ass right now.”

Kallus felt Zeb’s hand on his shoulder. “No worries. I’ve dealt with Hera when she had a migraine before, and you’re not nearly as bad. She’s a righteous terror when that happens. There are few things in this universe scarier than a pissed off and in pain Hera Syndulla.”

“I can only imagine.” As much as the noise from the vent and the hallways aggravated his headache, Kallus had to admit it was nice to be able to actually hear Zeb’s voice again. He laughed quietly.

“What?”

“I forgot about your accent. It’d been so long since I actually heard you speak that I forgot about it.”

Zeb chuckled. “Yeah, sorry if it makes me a little hard to understand.”

“No, it’s just such an odd thing to forget. I like it though. Makes you feel familiar.” He paused. “I’m probably going to turn my hearing aid off to try and get rid of this headache, but you can still stay if you want.”

“Okay, I think I will.”

XXX

“You’re sure?”

One of the analysts nodded. “The symbol on the door is definitely a Kanjiklub marker. None of us were familiar with it, but it’s definitely in the system.”

Sato nodded. “Do you think it could be an Imperial store of some sort?”

The analysts looked at each other for a moment. “It’s unlikely. Using a Kanjiklub marker makes it stand out and could make it a target for the Hutt clan. The Empire probably wouldn’t use something that could cause so many issues.”

“Okay, thank you. Pass this information onto the field agents in the area, I want them to confirm it.” Sato supposed he had to begrudgingly admit that Agent Kallus had been right again, even if he had become a bit uncooperative by the end. It was odd. Sometimes he was highly cooperative, but other times he was out of line, even bordering on insubordinate had he been an agent for the rebellion. Yet his information and analyses always seemed good. It made making a decision regarding him just that much more difficult. Sato knew he’d have to make it eventually, but it wasn’t going to be easy. Kallus seemed to have to potential to be a helpful, but possibly insubordinate, rebel analyst or even agent. That combined the almost guaranteed distrust anyone working with him would have seemed to just be asking for trouble. But on the other hand, the rebellion couldn’t afford to turn away someone as potentially knowledgeable and helpful as an ex-ISB agent, provided that agent truly had switched sides.


	13. Chapter 13

Being questioned had never been the most pleasant experience, but Kallus was quickly starting to dread the sessions. Sato seemed to assume that with the hearing aid Kallus was able to function just like anyone with full hearing. Everyone seemed to assume that. But it was more complicated. Noises startled him. A loud noise would catch him off guard and distract him, causing him to lose track of what Sato was saying. He had a hard time differentiating between noises and figuring out which one he needed to focus on. Multiple noises at once quickly gave him a headache. 

Sato assumed he could function completely normally though with the hearing aid, and Kallus wasn’t sure how to communicate that that wasn’t the case. How did you explain to someone who could hear that hearing, not being deaf, was becoming the obstacle?

He could see Sato sitting across the table and could tell he was talking, but Kallus didn’t say anything, or even try to figure out what was Sato’s voice versus the noise from the hallway. He’d stopped responding to Sato’s questions several minutes ago. Something was happening in the hallway outside and there was too much noise, not to mention the vent that seemed to get louder every time Kallus was questioned. Kallus had spent over an hour trying to differentiate that noise from Sato’s voice, and he just couldn’t anymore. He knew that if he just sat there without responding Sato would eventually have him taken back to his cell where he could go back to silence.

XXX

_The engine room was small but Kallus didn’t mind. The vibrations from the engine had been disorienting at first, but it had actually grown to be almost comforting over the past few months. It helped give him an idea of what other people heard; the stronger the vibrations, the louder the noise, and when things were loud no one tried to talk. He was actually at an advantage in situations like this, which was rare._

_Once he got used to the vibrations, Kallus found he actually quite enjoyed working with engines. The noise kept crew members from bothering him, and his willingness to work in the loud, enclosed spaces mean he could usually find work. His hearing was already shot so it wasn’t like he had to worry about hearing protection either, and it kept him moving, which made him harder to track._

_There were still a few hours before the ship arrived in Nar Shaddaa, so Kallus figured he should try and get a bit of sleep. The vibrations of the ship and the engine were oddly comforting to fall asleep to._

XXX

Sato watched Kallus closely, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Kallus had stopped responding to his questions almost 15 minutes ago, which seemed to be becoming a pattern for him. He would answer questions for a while, usually an hour or so, then would refuse to answer anything. Sato knew Kallus could hear him, he would visibly react to sounds from the hallway, but he refused to even acknowledge Sato’s presence. 

Usually Sato would’ve had the guards take Kallus back to his cell by this point, but not this time. He wanted to know what Kallus was playing at. He must be doing this for a reason, and Sato wanted to know what it was. 

XXX

Kallus felt lightheaded and like he was going to throw up. He’d been sitting in the corner of his cell, head down, knees drawn up to his chest, for hours, but his headache hadn’t gotten any better. Sato had kept him in the interrogation room for over three hours, even after he’d stopped answering any questions. His headache had started after about an hour and a half. It wasn’t too bad at first, but when his vision had started to get slightly blurry he knew it was going to be bad. 

The cell was relatively dark and Kallus had taken off the hearing aid, but it wasn’t helping. His body was starting to hurt from sitting in the same position for so long, but he was afraid that if he moved he’d throw up, so staying still seemed like the best course of action.

Kallus didn’t realize someone else was in the cell until he felt a hand on his arm. He looked up, startled, but immediately regretted it as the room spun slightly and pain shot behind his eyes. He briefly saw someone that looked like Hera, but his vision was still blurry and the light hurt too much so he looked back down and closed his eyes. He felt a hand on his arm again, but shook his head. “Headache. Can’t focus enough to lip read.” It was enough of a struggle to string enough words together coherently to make a sentence. There was no way he could talk with Hera right now. 

Pain made it difficult to figure out how much time had passed, but after a while he felt someone take his hand and put something in it. A couple of pills. A cup in his other hand. Water, probably. It took him a moment to process it, but after a moment he took the pills, briefly recognizing Hera again before closing his eyes once again to shut out the light. He briefly felt a hand on his shoulder, a light, reassuring squeeze, then he was alone again. 

The pain started to subside slightly after a little. Eventually Kallus felt confident enough in his ability to move without throwing up, and slowly stood up and made his way over to his cot. He was exhausted and though it was better than before, his headache was still pounding. He hoped that whatever Hera had given would eventually lessen the pain enough for him to pass out and rest. 

XXX

Hera walked over to where Zeb was sitting. “Hey, I think you might want to check in on Kallus.”

Zeb looked up from cleaning his bo rifle, frowning. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Not really, it’s just…” Hera paused. “I stopped by his cell earlier to see how the hearing aid was working, and he was sitting in the corner with his head down. When I tried to get his attention he just shook his head and said he had a headache and couldn’t focus enough to lip read. I ended up giving him some pain meds.” She shrugged. “He might’ve just had a bad day, but he looked like he was in pretty bad shape.”

“Huh, okay.” Zeb nodded. “I’ll check in on him in the next couple of days.”

“It’s probably the hearing aid.”

Hera looked over. Kanan had wandered in. She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Think about it. Kallus has essentially been deaf for two years. Trust me, losing a sense is a big shift, but you learn to adapt to it. Considering he’s been on the run most of the time since losing his hearing, Kallus would’ve had to adapt even faster than normal. His world’s been silence for almost two years and suddenly he can hear at least somewhat again. I know that if I suddenly regained sight in in one of my eyes, even just partial sight, I’d have a really hard time adjusting back.” Kanan shrugged. “My guess is that he’s probably just a bit overwhelmed.”

XXX

“I have to admit, agent, I really don’t know what to make of you.”

“Understandable, given your position.”

“Glad to see you’re answering my questions again.” Sato leaned back and watched Kallus. “See, that’s what I don’t get. Sometimes you cooperate fully. Other times you refuse to answer any of my questions or respond at all. I understand before; you couldn’t hear me and were reluctant to disclose your hearing loss. But now? You can hear, at least enough to answer questions. And yet the other day we sat in here for almost two hours while you refused to even acknowledge I was in the room.” He crossed his arms. “I can’t tell what your intentions are, and that makes me hesitant to put any amount of trust in you.”

Kallus had known this was going to come up at some point, but he still hesitated. “Yes I can hear, but it’s…not ideal.”

Sato raised an eyebrow. “Meaning?”

“Meaning that I get…overwhelmed if there’s too much noise. It becomes hard to focus.”

“It’s quite quiet in here.”

Kallus frowned. “For you, yeah. You’re used to the world being full of sound. I’m used to it being silent.” He paused, trying to figure out how to word what he was trying to say. “There’s a lot more noise in quiet places than you think, and even quiet noises can be distracting sometimes. It’s hard to parse out what you’re saying to me against al the background noise, even if the background noise seems quiet to you, and the longer I try the harder it gets.”

“Why stop answering completely though?”

“Because if I stop answering, you eventually send me back to my cell.”

Sato watched him quietly for a moment. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a prisoner who enjoyed being in their cell before.”

“I doubt you’ve ever had a prisoner who was mostly deaf either. This is a new set of circumstances for both of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, I'm not dead! I'm trying to resolve to sit down and write on a more regular basis, but we'll see how that goes...


	14. Chapter 14

Zeb opened the cell door cautiously, not really sure what he was going to find. Kallus was sitting on the cot in the corner of the cell. He looked up when Zeb came in. “Alright if I come in for a bit?”

Kallus nodded. “As long as you don’t mind me lip reading.”

He moved to make room as Zeb sat down next to him. “Not wearing the hearing aid I take it?”

“Yeah, I don’t usually wear it unless Sato’s questioning me.”

“I know you’d said it was taking you a bit to re-adjust to being able to hear again. Has it gotten any easier?”

Kallus shrugged. “It’s okay.”

Zeb watched Kallus carefully. “Is it still giving you headaches? You’d had a pretty bad one last time I was here.”

Kallus shrugged again. “It’s been fine.”

“You sure?”

Kallus frowned. “Are you trying to get at something? I already get questioned enough by Sato, you don’t need to start too.”

Zeb sighed. “Hera told me about the other day. She said you looked like you were in pretty bad shape. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine it’s just…like I told you, I just didn’t remember everything being so loud. I can handle a headache.”

“So you _are_ having headaches.”

“Okay, yes, wearing the hearing aid for too long gives me a headache. Happy now?”

“Kallus, I’m not trying to interrogate you, I’m just worried. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Kallus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I know you mean well.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, Kallus looking across the room rather than at Zeb. After a while, Kallus leaned his head back against the wall and looked back over at Zeb. “Even with the hearing aid, my hearing isn’t great. I have a hard time differentiating between different sounds, and that makes it difficult to follow what Sato is saying. I get distracted by even small sounds, and the more I try to focus on what Sato’s saying the harder it becomes.”

“Then you end up with a headache.”

Kallus nodded. “I usually just stop answering questions at that point. If I stay silent for long enough, Sato usually just sends me back to my cell where I can take the hearing aid off, though I recently realized that tactic might be a bit…counterproductive.”

Zeb stared at Kallus for a moment. “You would just sit there, refusing to answer questions, rather than just telling Sato that the noise was giving you a headache. Or telling him that you were turning the hearing aid off and going back to lip reading.”

“When you put it like that, it really does sound like a shit tactic, doesn’t it?”

Zeb shook his head incredulously. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re unbelievably stubborn?”

Kallus laughed. “I’ve been told a time or two.” He paused. “I guess I just wasn’t sure how to explain that hearing, not being deaf, was the problem. It’s not the sort of answer you’d usually expect.”

“What’s it like? Being deaf, I mean.” The question was out of Zeb’s mouth before he realized what he was saying. “Sorry if that’s a weird or really personal question.”

Kallus shook his head. “It’s fine.” He paused, thinking. “It’s…quiet. I know that’s probably a pretty unhelpful description, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. I’ve never actually _tried_ to describe it. For the most part, there’s just nothing. Complete silence. It’s startling at first, but you get used to it. It’s the little things that are the hardest to adjust to, though, things you wouldn’t even think of normally, like speaking volume. I’ve gotten pretty good at figuring out what speaking at different volumes feels like, but I can’t actually hear myself talk. I gauge how loud I’m speaking through a combination of how loud it _feels_ like I’m talking and the reaction of the person I’m talking to.” He shrugged. “I’m used to it though. Silence is my world now. And as difficult as it can be sometimes to not be able to hear, I actually find being able to hear much harder. It’s just so much information that I don’t know what to do with anymore and I end up getting overwhelmed.”

Zeb thought about it for a moment. “I never would’ve considered any of that. I guess I just thought that things would just go back to how they were before you lost your hearing.”

“To be honest, I’d never even thought about it before Sabine made the hearing aid. I’d assumed I’d spend the rest of my life in almost complete silence. I was on the run and essentially broke, so anything beyond basic necessities were out of the question. I never bothered to think about what it would be like to be able to hear again because it never occured to me it could actually happen.”

“Why didn’t you just tell Sato when you realized you were having such a hard time with it?”

Kallus smiled wryly. “Zeb, I was a prisoner here for almost two weeks before I told anyone I was deaf. It took almost being shot for me to admit it to you. Admitting vulnerabilities isn’t exactly a strong suit of mine. Besides, how do you explain to someone who already doesn’t trust you that the thing they assumed would make things easier is actually what’s making everything harder? How do you explain that to someone who’s not deaf?”

Zeb shrugged. “You managed to explain it to me.”

“Yeah, but you’re different.”

Zeb raised an eyebrow. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, it’s just…” Kallus looked away. “I trust you. I know you won’t exploit my hearing loss or how much I…struggle with what happened sometimes. I feel…I feel safe with you.”

Zeb smiled and put his hand on Kallus’ shoulder, waiting until he looked back over at him. “You know, it’s okay to say I’m your friend.” 

Kallus nodded and looked away again, an odd expression on his face. He sat there silently for a few minutes, not looking at Zeb. “I came pretty close to dying while I was in prison. By the time I escaped, I probably only had another week or two before my body finally gave out and I either gave Thrawn the information he wanted or died. I remember sitting there, knowing how limited my time was, knowing I was going to die soon, and just wishing I could’ve seen you one last time. Geonosis changed my life, you changed my life, and I just remember wishing I could’ve at least told you that. That I could’ve thanked you.” He paused, still not looking at Zeb. “So thank you. You…I never thought I’d get to tell you that, much less maybe even consider you a friend.”

Zeb watched Kallus, surprised, not sure how to respond. Kallus still wasn’t looking at him, so there wasn’t anything he could say. After a moment he just put his arm around Kallus’ shoulders, somewhat expecting Kallus to pull away and smiling softly when he leaned into him instead.

XXX

Kallus stared across the cell in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the meteor in his hands. He’d tried to sleep for a couple of hours, but got nowhere and eventually just gave up. For once, though, it wasn’t from nightmares. 

He and Zeb hadn’t talked much after Kallus had thanked him, but they’d sat there in silence for a while. It’d been odd, sitting there with Zeb’s arm around his shoulders. It was nice, if he was being completely honest. Zeb felt solid and real even when everything else felt unsure and uncertain, and it had been nice to just there with him. 

_You know, it’s okay to say I’m your friend._ It felt strange knowing that Zeb was okay with Kallus considering him a friend. After everything he’d done, it had never occurred to Kallus that Zeb wouldn’t hate him. That Zeb might care about him in some way. He’d assumed that any kinship he had towards Zeb would’ve been one-sided. That it might not be had never even crossed his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kallus isn't good with emotions, but he's getting there lol


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey, did you ever check in on Kallus?”

Zeb looked up, startled. “Yeah, um, he’s…he’s okay. Kanan was right, being able to hear again is pretty overwhelming and I guess he wasn’t sure how to communicate that to Sato. He’d just kind of sit there until Sato gave up and sent him back to his cell.”

“Well, his stubbornness is certainly impressive. You have to give him that.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

Hera frowned and sat down across from Zeb. “What’s up? Something’s bothering you.”

“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just…” Zeb shrugged. “Geonosis came up when I was talking with Kallus.”

“You never really talked much about what actually happened on Geonosis.”

“I don’t know, it was…odd. We spent most of the time just trying to survive. It was strange having to work beside an Imperial agent, having to trust him to help keep me alive. It changed how I thought of Kallus, made him more human.” Zeb paused, trying to find the words he wanted. “I mean, I thought about Geonosis somewhat, but we stopped running into Kallus much after that, and Geonosis became an afterthought. Yeah, Kallus seemed more human, but he was still an Imperial, and we had other things to worry about. It never occured to me the impact Geonosis might’ve had on Kallus. He said it changed his life, and that…that when he was in prison and thought he was going to die there, he wished he could’ve seen me again and tell me that. He wished he could’ve thanked me.”

Hera sat there for a minute. “That’s…a lot to take in.”

“How can he thank me for it?” Zeb frowned. “I know the price he paid for becoming an informant. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know he was arrested and tortured. I haven’t read the medical report Sato ordered, and I’m honestly not sure how well I’d handle it if I did, but from what little he has said I know it was bad.”

Hera watched him. “Zeb, that’s not your fault.”

“It happened because he became an informant though. If Geonosis was the catalyst for that, if I was the catalyst for that, then I’m also the reason he was arrested and tortured. I’m the reason he’s deaf now, the reason he changes the subject and won’t meet my eyes when I ask him about what happened.” Zeb looked up. “How can he thank me after that?”

Hera sighed and rested her hand on Zeb’s forearm. “I don’t know. I think that’s something only he can answer.” She paused. “You really worry about him, don’t you?”

Zeb laughed quietly. “I guess I do, don’t I?”

“Well, given how things have turned out, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. He could probably use at least one person worrying about him.”

XXX

Kallus read through the report carefully. Sato’s trust in him was obviously still very limited and large parts of the report had been removed to protect sensitive information, but Kallus took it as a good sign that Sato was even willing to give him the report and ask his opinion on it in the first place. 

The informant was describing an upcoming Imperial transport and its route, but the ship hadn’t shown up on any schedules or manifests the rebels had access too and Sato was suspicious of how accurate the informant’s information was. He’d asked Kallus to read over the report for inconsistencies or things that wouldn’t make sense given Imperial protocol. It was getting harder for Kallus to focus on the words in front of him though; people were talking in the hallway outside the room though and Sato kept asking him questions, and he could feel a headache starting to form. 

“Well?”

Kallus looked up. “I’m only part way through, but the information seems accurate so far.” He hesitated. He knew it wouldn’t be long before the dull pain behind his eyes turned into a splitting headache if he continued to use the hearing aid. “I’m having a hard time focusing, and will either need to turn the hearing aid off or will only be able to continue to answer questions for a short amount of time.” He watched Sato carefully, unsure of how he would react. 

Sato nodded, looking almost amused. “Good to see you’ve decided against simply refusing to answer questions. You come off as much more cooperative when you communicate.” He paused. “I may need to get your attention while you’re reading though, which could be hard if you can’t hear me.”

Kallous thought about it for a moment. “Tap the table in front of me. It’ll be in my field of vision and should get my attention.” Sato nodded again. Kallus turned off the hearing aid and went back to reading the report, the silence making it much easier to focus. Sato was right; the information seemed to be accurate, but something about it felt off. He looked up. “Did the informant report the expected time of departure?”

_Yes, it was during regular shipping hours at this particular dock._

Kallus nodded and went back to reading the report. Even with large portions removed, the report was still surprisingly detailed and all the details were lining up with Imperial protocol, or at least Imperial protocol as of three years ago. The informant even included the munition weight, which would’ve been recorded in the shipping manifest. Kallus stopped. Munition weight. That was odd. He looked back up. “This mentions munition weight. Is the cargo weapons?”

Sato raised an eyebrow. _I thought all of the identifying information about the shipment had been removed._

“Technically, munition weight could be referring to several different types of cargo, but weapons are the most likely.”

_You’re correct._

Kallus continued reading the report, but was increasingly sure that something was off. Something wasn’t adding up, he just wasn’t sure what it was. Sato tapped the table in front of him and he looked up.

_You’re thoughts on the report?_

“I agree, something’s not right, but I’m not sure what.” He looked back over the report. “It’s a large ship, so it would be carrying a lot of cargo. It is odd that the Empire would be using this style of freighter for weapons, but it’s not unheard of. Given your concern regarding this particular report, I’m assuming the cargo, if it exists, is highly valuable.” Kallus frowned, then looked up. “Propulsion weapons. They’re highly valuable, and freighters like this are often used to transport them because of how good their coolant and ventilation systems are.”

Sato leaned back in his chair. _I have to admit, I’m impressed. You managed that on very little information._

“No, that’s what’s wrong with this. You said the ship is scheduled to leave during normal docking hours, right?” Sato nodded. “Propulsion weapons are never shipped out during the day, they’re considered too unstable. Ships with good coolant and ventilation systems are used because propulsion weapons tend to overheat when kept in close quarters. Sunlight generally doesn’t produce enough heat to cause an issue, but there is still a risk, so Imperial protocol is that they’re only shipped out at night.”

Sato frowned. _I’ve never heard of that protocol._

“Heavy weaponry protocols like this aren’t used a lot, but they’re usually stuck to pretty strictly. I’d confirm that this is still indeed the protocol in place, though, it’s possible it might have changed.”

Sato nodded. _I’ll have it checked into._ He stopped and looked at Kallus. _Thank you for your cooperation._

XXX

_You seem to be in a good mood._

Kallus shrugged. “Today was probably the best interaction I’ve had with Commander Sato since I got here. I mean, any interaction with him where I don’t end up almost getting shot is a good one in my opinion, but still.”

Zeb raised an eyebrow. _It’s amazing how helpful communication can be, isn’t it?_

“Oh fuck off, I think I’ve learned my lesson on that one.”

_Considering even almost getting shot twice didn’t quite teach you it, I’m still not fully convinced._

Kallus laughed. “Okay, fair enough.” The beginnings of the headache he’d felt earlier had dissipated not long after he’d turned off his hearing and he had to admit he was in a relatively good mood, at least compared to how he usually felt after being questioned by Sato. Zeb had come in a bit later, and it was nice to be able to and sit with him without being in pain or feeling panicked. 

_Hera said you were able to help with some report from an informant?_

“Yeah, it was…nice being to help with that. It was a bit strange having to switch back to lip reading part way through, but I almost felt normal again. It’s like being given a puzzle to solve, and when I’m able to focus on it, I mean, the things that happened are still there, but I feel closer to who I used to be. Or at least the good parts of who I used to be.”

_Zeb smiled. I’m glad. He looked down and paused. Kallus, can I…can I ask you something?_

“Yeah, of course.”

_You talked last time about Geonosis and…and the impact it had on you. You thanked me._

“And I meant it.”

_I just…you paid such a price for becoming an informant, and you lost so much as a result. I mean, you lost your hearing because of it. You were…you were tortured because of it. After all of that, how can you still thank me?_

Kallus watched Zeb, surprised. “I guess I…it never really occurred to me to think of it like that.” He paused. “I mean, I guess I did lose a lot, but most of it wasn’t worth keeping honestly. I would rather have lost all of it and be a better person than kept it and continued being who I was.”

_But the pain…_

“Was worth it if it means being a better person. I still…struggle with what happened and it’s been hard to adjust at times, but I’d do it all over again if I had the chance.” Kallus leaned his head back against the wall. “I can live without my hearing and, hard as it may be at times, I can live with what Thrawn did to me. I’ve been doing that for a couple years now. I don’t think I could live with who I was before, at least not after Geonosis. Something had to change, and I…I’m okay with the price I had to pay for that.”

Zeb looked over at him and smiled. _You’re a good man, you know that?_

“It’s hard imagine anyone saying that about me, least of all you.”

_You are. You may be a stubborn bastard, but you’re a good one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's the best way to celebrate the beginning of a new quarter? by avoiding all my responsibilities and writing fic of course


End file.
